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Funny stories in the "Emergency Room"

Discussion in 'Doctors Cafe' started by Egyptian Doctor, Jun 14, 2011.

  1. Egyptian Doctor

    Egyptian Doctor  Moderator Verified Doctor

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    HEART-STOPPING SEX


    "I'll never forget the time an ambulance brought in a young slacker guy and his girlfriend. They had decided to get it on in his grandmother's basement while she was out of the house. They'd grabbed a tube of what they thought was lubricant from her wellstocked medicine cabinet.

    "Unfortunately, it was nitroglycerin paste, a heart drug that can cause a potentially fatal drop in blood pressure. When Grandma came home, she found the couple lying on top of each other, unconscious and buck naked. They eventually came to after we gave them oxygen and fluids."

    STUCK ON YOU

    "One night, a gurney rolled in carrying a woman in black lingerie-who happened to be straddling a naked man. They told us that they had been doing a lot of drugs and having wild sex when the woman's vagina cramped up and the guy couldn't pull out. The doctor on duty gave her muscle relaxants, and after several minutes, they were able to separate. Then they were promptly arrested on drug charges."

    TOY WITH HIM

    "A guy came into our ER one night. When the doctor asked him to describe his problem, he reached into his bag, pulled out a sex-toy catalog, and pointed to a long, curved toy on one of the pages. 'I can show you what's in there,' he winked. 'Now let's see if you can get it out.' The doctor did, after leaving the room to stop laughing so hard."

    UNSCHEDULED DELIVERY

    "During an ice storm, a rescue squad radioed that they were bringing in a young woman with severe menstrual cramps. I was the ER nurse assigned to take her medical history. Although obviously in discomfort, the woman looked totally healthy. She told me she'd been having normal periods, which was frustrating to her because she and her man had been trying to get pregnant for some time.

    "I reassured her that the gynecologist on duty would be able to give her something for the pain, but when the doctor came in to examine her, he took one look and said that not only was she pregnant, but she was going to have a baby right then! We rushed her to the maternity floor, and soon after, she delivered a healthy baby girl."

    SPONGE-BATH SLIPUP

    "When I was just starting out as a nurse, I had to give a sponge bath to an incredibly hot male patient. I tried to be very professional about it and not embarrass either one of us. But when it was time to wash his back, instead of saying 'Turn over,' I accidentally blurted out 'Move over.' He gave me a huge grin and said, 'Oh, I don't know if there's enough room, but trust me, I'll try!' "

    KEYED UP

    "A hysterical woman came into the ER. She'd just had a fight with her boyfriend while sitting in his parked car. She said she had gotten so mad at him that she pulled the key out of the ignition and put it in her vagina so he couldn't drive home! Now she couldn't locate the key to get it out. I couldn't find it either, so we concluded that it must have fallen out somewhere near her boyfriend's car."

    GO FISH

    "A man explained that his girlfriend had tried to take his temperature rectally and 'lost' the thermometer. I could actually see the glass tip poking out of his rear end, so I got a padded clamp and gently began pulling. It was a thermometer all right, but one for a fish tank-more than a foot long!"

    HOT BEEF INFECTION

    "I was assigned to examine a patient with stomach pain. The woman turned out to be my high school classmate, but instead of being happy to see me, she was mortified. She confessed she wasn't suffering from stomach pain but had gotten something 'stuck.' Hours earlier, she'd microwaved a frozen hot dog to use as a sex toy. But heating it had softened the hot dog, and it broke off inside her. I removed it, though I doubt she'll look me in the eye at our next reunion!"

    PLAY BALL

    "A young couple came in with this story: During sex, the woman had grabbed a medium-size rubber ball and inserted it into her man's back door. The ball became lodged so high in his rectum, they couldn't get it out... and neither could we! The attending MD paged a surgeon, but while we were waiting for him to arrive, the man began coughing. The ball came flying out of his butt with enough velocity to ping around the room and hit the just arriving surgeon in the head."

    Source : cosmopolitan.com

    Add your story as a comment below !




     

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    homa and akuila waradi like this.
  2. docmpeadia

    docmpeadia Well-Known Member

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    lump in abdomen or ?fetus
    a girl of age 22 unmarried came wid her mother with c/o diarrhea /severe abd pain since night n lump in abd since 4 mnths...her LMP ws a week bck acc to her..even on repeated askin to th pt. as well as her mother ,,we were told tht sh was havin regular menstrual cycles...she ws given buscopan 4 d pain somwhere else,,,and after 1\2 hr she had precipitate labour and delivered a baby in the loo...baby was lying in pan,,baby ws taken out by doctors,,resuscitated...it was a 8 mnth old live male baby...:/
     

  3. flacosplace

    flacosplace Young Member

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    THE PATIENT I THOUGHT I KILLED

    Jones was probably an jerk before he crashed his motorcycle while high on drugs and got some brain damage. I don’t recall ever reading about a person whose personality was improved by brain damage, and that includes all kinds of brain damage from things like big head whacks, strokes and even Alzheimer’s. The exception to this rule may be those poor psychotics who had lobotomies before there was medicine that pretty much could have achieved the same purpose, the dulling of an overactive, crazy mind.
    Jones wasn’t one to go outside the box. He was apparently well-known to the cops and paramedics long before he did his face plant in the street and became “disabled”. There was enough left of his broken brain for him to realize that now he was more than your average screw up, he was a disabled screw up. And he didn’t like that life any more than his previous, non-disabled one. Being a jerk, he lacked insight and wisdom and took out his frustration on anyone in his striking zone.
    Jones became one of the ER “regulars” but not in any good sense. Unlike most of our regulars, he was totally without any redeeming qualities. He always showed disrespect and never apologized for his transgressions. I guess that’s why everyone thought he was such a jerk. He was relentless. Most of us have a great deal of tolerance or we couldn’t last long in the ER, but Jones was forever pushing the boundaries. It seemed like he always having a bad night. When a guy always has a bad night, sooner or later he will bump up against one of us who may also be having a bad night, and he will become the proverbial “last straw”. That’s what happened the night I thought I killed him. Not deliberately, but had he died, I would have had some serious explaining to do.
    People come to the ER for a lot of reasons, many of them having nothing to do with any medical condition, at least not any acute medical condition. Many people with chronic medical conditions take advantage of the 24/7 deal we offer in the ER. We see anyone, any time for any reason. If the reason turns out to be bogus, the doctor will punt to the social worker and ask that we disposition this patient. It’s pretty much up to us to figure out what to do with a person who has no medical treatment issues that would match up with what we do in the ER. That’s a social work issue: A patient with no medical problem looking for help in a medical environment. Jones was on the list that night.
    He had come in with the vaguest of complaints—belly pain—demanding Demerol. At the end of these kinds of workups, the physician often makes the case that the abdominal pain comes from the patient being full of crap. To get to that point in the diagnosis may take several hours, multiple tests and maybe even some radiological studies. That would give a guy like Jones plenty of time to piss a lot of people off. He would piss off the triage nurse as soon as he hit the door. He would piss off the phlebotomist when she drew his blood. He would piss off the X-ray tech just for the hell of it, and then he would piss off the doctor who had more or less told him his problem was that he was just full of crap.
    Jones didn’t like when things like that happened. He had come to the ER with a plan, and it appears that the plan was to complain of enough pain to be admitted and get a nice warm bed, perhaps a hot nurse and some great pain medicine in his veins. This was common dream among certain ER visitors, and to have a dream so blatantly busted is too much for some folks. That’s especially true for jerks with brain damage. There’s just no talking to them.
    Of course, Jones didn’t want to leave the ER, and he didn’t want to accept that he wasn’t sick enough to take up bed space upstairs. He was about to go through as long of a tirade as necessary to be able to live his dream. Instead, after a bad night with many actual sick patients, he found himself in a nightmare. He got me, and I wasn’t in a much better mood than he was. The perversity of too little time and too many patients led me to believe that I would feel better if he felt worse.
    “Bob, I’m not leaving tonight. I’m too sick. I can’t go home.”
    “Well, we’re through with you here tonight. The doctor doesn’t think you need to be admitted so you’ll have to leave. Any questions?”
    “I’m too sick to go home.”
    “That’s a problem because no one here is going to admit you.”
    “I can’t go home. I can’t control my bowels.”
    “Well, you’ve been here for several hours and you controlled your bowels okay. I read the nurses notes and spoke to your doctor.”
    “I can’t control my bowels. Watch.”
    Maybe if he hadn’t been wearing short pants, the feces splattering down his leg wouldn’t have had such an effect on me. Maybe if I wasn’t so wound up myself I could have let it go. But that’s too many maybes for the mood I was in, and the ER felt like the OK Corral right at that moment.
    Jones and I were next to the nurses’ station, and about fifteen people were watching us. We were also very close to the Hazardous Materials shower, and it seemed obvious to me that Jones was highly hazardous and needed to be hosed down. I grabbed him, put him into a wheelchair and rolled him in. No need to take off his clothes. After his controlled poop, there was no way I was handing out fresh clothes to this guy. Unfortunately for Jones, I hadn’t been at work the day they changed the Hazardous Materials shower to a high-powered Hazardous Materials shower and no one bothered to point that out.
    Jones was chair-slumped in the shower when I pulled that big overhead ring that starts the rush of water. I thought that a little flush would make him less hazardous. But what he got was all fifty gallons at once, the flush of all flushes, and the force of it pushed—actually more like propelled, his body out of the chair at such speed that he hit the tile wall with enough force that, for a moment, I thought he was dead. He didn’t move and neither did anyone else.
    Then he started to scream at the top of his lungs.
    “All right! All right! I give up. I’ll leave. Get me out of here!”
    I quickly offered him some dry clothes, but he declined and left in a hurry. Everyone in the ER thought it was pretty funny. I guess they didn’t see my face for that ten seconds it took for him to start moving after hitting the shower wall. It almost scared the crap out of me, too.
    That was a lesson learned. The next time Jones comes in on a bad night and shits down his leg on purpose, I’ll let someone else handle his disposition.
     

  4. Elisa97

    Elisa97 Active member

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    You've made my day more beautiful!
     

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  5. syed adnan alam

    syed adnan alam Active member

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    One night in my duties as a house surgeon one of the patients (who had underwent laprotomy) started complaining of pain in his stiched abdominal wound because of continuos coughing.Anti tussives and nebulization werent helping.I helped him to sit up if it would do any good but instead his sutures burst opened and his guts poped out.Tensed,I contacted my immediate senior who shifted him to the emergency OT and closed the wound with tension sutures.The patient was discharged and alright later on.Although a very frightening experience but i cant help laughing when i think of his comment when his guts poped out."Look at the mess you just made!"
     

  6. Marilia Novais

    Marilia Novais Well-Known Member

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    funny histories, some of this happned in my countrie
     

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