“Peace is your home, integrity is the way to it, and everything you long for will meet you there.” – Martha Beck In 2017, the blueprint I had crafted for my life evaporated before my eyes. Up until that point, I had systematically checked off the steps to becoming an Air Force oral and maxillofacial surgeon. I was in the Air Force, and I was in oral and maxillofacial surgery (OMFS) residency. I had signed an initial contract with the Air Force for 13 years, thinking, “Clearly, I’ll stay at least 20 years.” My life was set. Until it wasn’t. By 2017, I had realized that OMFS was not the right path for me and the toll of trying to live a life that was not in alignment with my essential self took a toll mentally and physically. The impact would lead to a medical discharge from the military, 4 years into my initial 13-year commitment. My slate was blank. My professional identities gone. What the heck do I do? Been there? When reflecting on what led me to OMFS, I realized I lost myself in much of the pressure of external advice and societal influence. I ignored internal alarm sirens and prioritized what others thought I should do over my own opinion. I solicited a vast array of advice, and then chose not to sit with myself and listen to what my mind, body, and soul all had to say. Instead, I gave external influence and my pride the power to carve the path, even when my body and soul were rebelling. Thankfully, I have learned a lot since then, but the lessons sure were costly. I learned that there is great value in hearing about opportunities and opinions from other people. I appreciate all of the perspectives I was given. However, what I missed is the importance of cultivating connection with our essential selves and using the information from within to help guide our decisions. I let external pressures have way too much authority, and I know I am not alone. By the time I lifted my head up, I thought: I am completely lost. How did I get here? I don’t want to be here. I am not sure I ever wanted this for me … but I did it because X. Sound familiar? While there are many questions that we can ask ourselves as we explore next steps, I will walk you through two insight-provoking questions that I find extremely helpful. So here we are. Blank slate. What should I do? To gain clarity, I love to take all of the information and advice I have gathered from experiences in life to date and then sit alone while considering these two questions: 1. What would I do if no one knew what I was doing? Not family, not friends, not social media. (Removes external pressures.) 2. What things have I tended to do when my mind was free to do whatever it wanted? (Exposes internal interests, values, talents, gifts.) If you’ve been out of touch with yourself for a while, it may be hard to tease apart internal and external influences and voices. I highly recommend Martha Beck’s book, The Way of Integrity: Finding the Path to Your True Self, and partnering with a coach that may help you seek the answers you have deep within yourselves. If you feel lost, you may be looking for yourself in the wrong places. Look within. Source
