So, obviously I’m spending every iota of free time watching it, from the beginning, and I’m realizing that there’s actually a fairly predictable diagnostic pattern. For the ease of writing, no doubt, and not a reflection on population health measures. 1. Fainting: someone, a patient or a family member or a doctor. Syncope, as it’s termed in the medical world can be a prodrome to an illness (meaning, it happens before you realize how sick you actually are) or can be in response to pain or illness (a vasovagal response). 2. Liver failure/someone’s yellow: okay, the fainting I can believe but this much jaundice? Why is everyone’s liver failing! 3. The “-osises” – someone either ironically or legitimately suggests it might be 1) sarcoidosis 2) amyloidosis or 3) hemochromotosis [Broken External Image]:http://c0000453.cdn1.cloudfiles.rackspacecloud.com/1505/house_40.jpg 4. Surgeries – How are all these doctors also surgeons? FYI, what House et al. do is more along the lines of what a hospitalist would do, not a surgeon. 5. Snooping - No, you can’t just walk into someone’s house to sniff around for lead/toxins/look for possible sources of botulism. Ain’t nobody got time for that. 6. Sexual longing – Patients and doctors, doctors and doctors, doctors and patients. 7. Test ordering – No doctor could ever get away with ordering so many tests. Also, doesn’t it seem like half the time the results are messed up the first time around? Who runs the lab?! 8. Insurance: Ever notice that no one ever asks about insurance? Who is paying for this?! Do they all have Anthem Blue Cross or what? 9. A wild SEIZURE appears: Honestly, sometimes I think the writer’s just throw in a seizure because the actor offers. “I can actually do a pretty convincing grand mal seizure.” 10. Sarcasm: House gets at least one zinger per episode. [Broken External Image]:http://19andnerdy.files.wordpress.com/2013/05/tumblr_mfaomyvek61r50qq4o1_500.gif?w=500&h=282 11. Cuddy’s wardrobe: Cuddy runs around with really tight pencil skirts, low cut blouses and no one ever mentions dress code. 12. JK Diagnosis: The first diagnosis is wrong, or, House is like “JK IT’S NOT lupus.” 13. lupus: Later seasons anyway– look, it’s not lupus. It never was lupus and it’s never going to be lupus. Except that one time when it’s actually going to be lupus. 14. Cuddy MD: Cuddy, who is a hospital administrator, usually doesn’t get roped in to patient care, but on those episodes when she does she’s either doing nursing jobs, operating on someone, or doing some specialized procedure. Look, you need a patient intubated? YA CALL RESPIRATORY! Cuddy’s an endocrinologist for Christ’s sake! 15. House Keeps His Job: Okay, obviously you don’t have to work in medicine to know that House would never actually get away with treating his patients the way he does, but it’s not like we haven’t all felt like laying into a patient at one time or another, so we secretly accept House as he is. 16. Vicodin: House pops pills. The premise of the show should be “Gregory House eats narcotics, does magical medical tasks, touches breasts.” 17. Sedation: Either a patient is sedated and they wouldn’t be in reality or they are NOT being sedated and they NEED to be and it’s a Code ANGRY PERSON RIGHT THERE AND NO ONE IS USING THEIR M.O.A.B. TRAINING. 18. WILSON: Wilson is usually not a terrible doctor and in the context of this show becomes uninteresting — but so cute! 19. Labs: Oh yeah, now I know why all the labs get screwed up: because in between rounding on patients, doing bedside procedures, OPERATING and screwing each other in the sleep lab THE DOCTORS ARE ALSO UP LATE IN THE LAB LOOKING AT SAMPLES UNDER A DAMN MICROSCOPE. [Broken External Image]:http://d243395j6jqdl3.cloudfront.net/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/114557_original.jpg 20. Nurses – where are they?: In case you didn’t know, Nurses are actually what make a hospital work and they’re really doing more of the talking/giving a damn in a patient room than a doctor so… so where they at? 21. House’s Leg: His leg hurts, it doesn’t hurt, he puts his cane somewhere weird, he hits someone with said cane, he ends up in a wheelchair, he falls, etc. 22. Cuddy Makes This Face: 23. House Epiphany: House has a “That’s So Raven” moment and in the middle of something seemingly unrelated to the case, has a “vision” where he solves the whole case in the last five minutes. 24. The Soundtrack: A dramatic moment is forever immortalized by an excellent choice of music. Ah, I miss this show. No 80s covers like another medical drama I could talk about. . . Source
