Hives: You Should Maybe Be More Worried About Your Spine? Stroke: You Are Just Standing Here with Some Coffee Bone Fracture: You Should Take a Skateboard Lesson Chicken Pox: You and Your Brother Sit Quietly in the Bathtub Peptic Ulcer: Looks Just Like the Illustration for Constipation! Lyme Disease: You Wish You Had Some Pants with Two Full Legs Food Poisoning: You Will Think Twice About the Next Picnic Mono: You're Exhausted, But Still Have the Energy to Put on a Scarf Common Cold: You Curse Your Enemies Into a Kleenex Bunion: You Should Maybe Just Try Flats Sprained Ankle: Hopefully You Are Flexible Enough to Reach Your Ankle with the Ice Rabies: You Lost a Fight with a Racc Tetanus: You Shouldn't Cheat at Kickba Stomach Flu: You Enjoy Staring Dejectedly off Into Space Meningitis: Your Skin Is See-Through Bipolar Disorder: You Clean and Nap for Weeks or Months Boil: Maybe It's Just Backne UTI: You Wear Dresses with Phallic Designs on Them IBS: You Have a Toilet in Your Bedroom! Ingrown Hair: You Shave Using Finger Guns Stye: You Wear Cool Hats and Necklaces Major Depression: Your Brain Sparkles with Sadness Pimple: You Put Mascara on Your Eyebrows Tonsilitis: Don't Be Afraid of Disembodied Hands Touching Your Face Pink Eye: You Cry a Lot Near a Glacier or Maybe Just Have Electric Blue Wallpaper? Shingles: You Wonder Why No One Calls This "Herpes Zoster" Instead Measles: A Mother's Love Will Cure You Influenza: You Simply Must Rest Your Hand on Your Forehead Abcess: You Should Try an Aluminum-Free Antiperspirant Crohn's Disease: You Are So Over Taking the Stairs Ringworm: You Are So Proud of How Your Bullseyes Are Coming Along Canker Sore: You Touch Your Jaw a Lot in Parks Warts: You'll Need Your Mom to Carefully Inspect Your Hand Frostbite: You Love Green Hats, Table Saws, and Doing Construction at Dusk Strep Throat: You Are on the Olympic "Say Ahh" Team Dengue Fever: You Are Seriously Despondent About Your Mustache Appendicitis: You Watch The Red Wedding Over and Over Malaria: You Are Really Just Over This Vacation lupus: You Think "Butterfly Rash" Sounds Kind of Pretty Arthritis: You Now Have a Fall Foliage Phobia OCD: You Have a Whole Thing with Pens Alzheimer's Disease: You're Honestly Sick of People Shoving Photos in Your Face heart attack: Your Go-to Style Is the Quarter-Zip Fleece Burn: You're About to Start a Grease Fire, Look Out! Rosacea: You Love Face Touching and Self Reflection Anxiety Disorder: You're Seeing an iPad Doctor and Just Aren't Sure Gynecomastia: You Can't Not Stand with Your Hand on Your Hip Celiac Disease: Just Thinking About Gluten Hurts Your Stomach Source
