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5 Medical Innovations You Wish Were True

Discussion in 'Medical Students Cafe' started by Hadeel Abdelkariem, Oct 5, 2019.

  1. Hadeel Abdelkariem

    Hadeel Abdelkariem Golden Member

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    There’s nothing like that feeling you get as a medical professional when you discover the latest advancement in medical technology that’s coming your way. There’s a rush of anticipation and excitement. Perhaps the sci-fi future you were promised as a kid might really be coming.

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    Then you find out it’s totally bogus.

    Sure, you’re disappointed, but think of it this way: it’s a bit like a small-scale emotional roller coaster. You move through the excitement and disappointment phases so fast, it’s enough to get your heart rate up a bit. And there’s certainly nothing wrong with that. So, in that spirit, here’s your little Six Flags, a run through the top 5 medical innovations you wish were true.

    #1 State-of-the-Art New Medical Technology Since 400 BCE
    The big daddy of them all, the ultimate cure-all you’ve been waiting for since the dawn of medicine. It’s all here – a cure for cancer, the common cold, anxiety, restless leg syndrome, and maybe even your addiction to the Dr. Oz Show. Okay, so that last one might be a bridge too far, but considering he’s a main promoter of this new miracle drug, it may not get you off that particular habit.

    But in all honesty, since the very first cave-dwelling human handed a bunch of herbs of dubious origins to another, the miracle pill has lived in our collective imagination. It was there with the Wild West’s snake oil salesman and lives on with the quasi-medical televangelists of today (looking at you, Dr. Oz). But it also faces stiff competition from the second most famous super pill ever conceived by medicine.

    #2 Here Is Probably the Best Medical Invention We’ve Ever Created

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    The miracle pill’s less-hyped cousin, the placebo pill really does exist (mmmm, sugar), but sadly, its immense power can’t be harnessed quite as well as we’d like. It’s unfortunate, because the placebo is probably the most powerful cure-all that medical technology has ever given us. As anyone who’s ever been five years old knows, your imagination is incredibly powerful and can alter how you feel in profound ways.

    So what’s the problem? Oh yeah, making a placebo work is fundamentally built on lying to patients. Bummer. Some of us may still be waiting for FDA approval of a prescription placebo pill, or even an over-the-counter version (hey, we can dream can’t we?). However, sadly, we’ll probably be waiting for a very long time. In the meantime, there’s always supplements.

    #3 The Hospital Bar: A Healthcare Industry Trend That Needs to Happen
    Why does any hospital resident ever leave the hospital, unless it’s to hit the local watering hole? We don’t know either. In any case, this brilliant concept for a hospital bar thrown out by our friends over at Gomerblog has already ignited the imaginations of hard-working healthcare professionals across the country and been shared widely online.

    And why not? The benefits of moderate alcohol consumption look pretty good to us. Plus, there are more than enough hospitals that are in need of some innovative revenue streams. To top it all off, the opportunities for fans of medical puns to go wild are nearly infinite. Besides Gomerblog’s “Dischargigans”, there’s “The Waiting Room”, or even “Delirium Tremens” for the fans of very dark humor and Belgian wheat beer out there.

    #4 Magnets: For, Let’s Say, “Wellness”?
    Ever wondered what your crazy aunt Melinda thinks qualifies as disruptive innovation in healthcare? Well, worry no more, because it’s probably magnets (though, crystals are a close second, more on them later), touted for decades as the best way to cure arthritis, poor blood circulation, all kinds of pain relief, and that magical all-encompassing term, “wellness.”



    Of course, bogus magnetic medical devices aren’t just for late-night infomercials anymore. Now, they’ve jumped on the Kickstarter/Indiegogo bandwagon to raise money the 21st-century way. What does that mean for us? It’s now easier than ever to get a tiny magnet that “asymmetrically oscillates giving a significant treatment” to cure what ails you. And all for the low low price of at least $99. Just keep them away from your smartphone and credit cards.

    #5 Crystals: When Magnets Aren’t Enough
    Possessing all the medical efficacy of magnets with the amazing powers of the placebo thrown in for good measure, crystals are amazing tools – as amazing as the power of suggestion and our imaginations can be. Would it be nice if crystals possessed a power beyond the understanding of science and medicine? Of Course. Somebody could win a Nobel Prize for proving that they have real healing power. Until then, we’ll just have to file this under “wouldn’t it be nice.”

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