8 Thoughts Every Woman Has Had at the Gynecologist

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1. "I am literally wearing a paper towel."
With sleeves. A paper towel with sleeves.

2. "I definitely have not shaved my legs in a month."
Maybe more. Crap, has it been two months?

3. "Should I point my knees toward each other or bend them out? These stirrups have no protocol."
Does she want me to put it on display or bend in coyly? I'm just gonna do one of the two at random and she can tell me from there.

4. "Something must be wrong down there. She hasn't said anything in, like, 60 seconds."
Or she's doing her job. I can't be sure which.

5. "Aaaand this speculum feels so cold."
How have they not invented a way to warm these? How?

6. "I wonder if it hurts this much for other women?"
Am I too sensitive? Or do I have high pain tolerance because it usually hurts way more for other people?

7. "And now you're poking my breasts, a lot."
You can stop at any time. And no, I don't really do these checks at home.

8. "Thank God that is over. Bye forever!"
I mean, for a year, but still.

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