Whether it's because lying there pants off, legs splayed isn't the most communication-friendly pose, or because chatting about what's causing a low sex drive or why your vagina is itchy isn't exactly, well, small talk, bringing up stuff with your gynecologist can be downright nerve-wracking. But trust us (and them), it's highly likely that whatever you're going to bring up is nothing new or even embarrassing—when it comes to vaginas, breasts, labor, weird odors, sex toys, and intimacy, gynecologists really have seen and heard some pretty interesting things. That said, sometimes even the most experienced doctor is surprised by something her patient says or does. We tapped experts around the country to share their most unusual, wacky, and how-did-THAT-happen tales. 1- Surprise in a patient's bag I had a postmenopausal widow who came in complaining of pain during intercourse after becoming newly sexually active following several years without activity. Her new boyfriend had had prostate surgery and was impotent but, as my patient put it, "he's got this thing he is using and it hurts." She then proceeded to open a paper grocery bag and pull out a 12-inch strap-on. After I collected myself, I told her I thought I saw what the problem was and recommended a smaller size. –Carolyn C. Thompson, MD, Thompson Gynecology, Nashville, TN 2- Medicinal mix-up Near the beginning of my private practice years, someone came in with a terrible case of genital herpes—lots of lesions, plenty of discomfort. I explained the condition to her, prescribed some pills to make the outbreak shorter and less painful, and found a few samples of cream in the sample drawer to apply to the lesions. A couple of days later she called the office and told my assistant that she had been using the pills as well as the sample I provided, but her lesions were all turning blue. Confused, I called her and she explained that when she opened the sample of cream, there was a little blue stick protruding from the edge, which she applied to the lesions. I rushed to the drawer, ripped open the package of one of the tubes, and what did I find? They were actually blue highlighters, cleverly disguised as samples of cream! Sure enough, the patient had been highlighting her lesions for 2 days. Enormously embarrassed but at the same time unable to hold back a laugh, I informed the patient that no harm occurred, but now we wouldn't have any difficulty finding the lesions! –Jason James, MD, chairman of the ob-gyn department at Baptist Hospital of Miami 3- DIY treatment gone wrong A patient came in complaining of severe vaginal burning and odor. Turned out she had tried to treat a mild yeast infection by inserting raw garlic cloves in her vagina—considered a home remedy for a yeast infection (but there is no evidence that it actually works)—and then forgot about it! We took the 3-day-old smelly garlic cloves out and she was cured. –Anna M. Barbieri, MD, assistant clinical professor in the department of obstetrics, gynecology, and reproductive science, Mount Sinai School of Medicine 4- Unusual multitasking I had a patient who ate an entire Happy Meal during her gynecological exam, including the pelvic and Pap test portion of the exam. She was eating it when I came in the room, then got up on the exam table with the burger and continued to eat it while I did her exam. I didn't want to be rude—it might have been the only chance she had to get lunch—so I just did my job while she finished her meal. It was a little awkward; neither of us acknowledged it! –Carolyn C. Thompson 5- Out-of-the-ordinary pain management One time a pregnant patient of mine showed up to labor and deliverywith her acupuncturist. She respectfully requested that I allow needles to be placed on her body to help with the pain of labor. I had never seen or heard anything like this before but went along anyway. The acupuncturist inserted about 20 needles all over, and it was a little scary to look at. However, she proceeded to have one of the most comfortable and calm deliveries that I had ever witnessed. When it came time to deliver the placenta, I was again asked if needles could be placed. By that point, I was a believer! –Tara Allmen, MD, ob-gyn in New York City 6- New Dad freak-out My patient was getting an epidural, and her spouse saw the long needle and passed out. The nurse revived him and he sat up, looked over at his wife again and instantly vomited. As he tried to steady himself, he had a "code brown" [a large bowel movement] right there on the floor. After a shower and change of clothes, we made him sit in a recliner in a corner for the rest of the labor. When I came in to deliver the baby, the patient's mother was excited and encouraged her son-in-law to look saying, "Here comes the head!" The labor nurse and I both yelled, "Noooo!" He did notlook... –Octavia Cannon, DO, Arboretum Obstetrics and Gynecology in Charlotte, NC 7- Extra organ -A new mom was referred to our office due to an abnormal mass in her armpit. Her baby was about 2 months old, and she was breastfeeding. The mass turned out to be an extra nipple with a significant amount of breast tissue underneath that became full of milk after her pregnancy; she essentially had three breasts! She was quite surprised, but it's common for some people to have extra nipples along "milk lines" that extend from our armpits to the groin. They're often misidentified as moles, when in reality they could be extra nipples—a nod to our mammalian origins! –Anna M. Barbieri, MD 8- Wardrobe malfunction A woman came to the office swearing she was about to die from breast cancer because her nipples had turned black over the past 2 days. Upon careful inspection, questioning, and use of an alcohol pad, we figured out her new bra left the black marks and she just needed to do a better job in the shower. –Sheila Chhutani, MD, ob-gyn in Dallas, TX 9- Prescription sharing A young woman came in saying that she ran out of birth control pills. When I asked her how that occurred, she said her boyfriend had tried a few just to see what would happen. Of course, nothing happened to him, but now she was short on pills and messing up her primary contraceptive method. I told her that sharing is not caring in this case. –Brian A. Levine, MD, attending physician at Lenox Hill Hospital, New York City Source
