We've all done it: Started to feel ever-so-slightly under the weather, Googled our symptoms and ultimately convinced ourselves, if even for just a minute, that we're dying of some horrible (and incredibly rare) disease. That's not to say that we're totally unjustified in our pursuit of answers or that our symptoms are never real, but false self-diagnosis happens — and it's often needlessly dramatic. For many of us, it doesn't take long to realize that our self-diagnoses are a little far-fetched. (And that maybe we shouldn't keep using WebMD and Google as doctors.) Sometimes, though, those ridiculous health concerns make it all the way to the doctor's office. In a recent AskReddit thread that posed the question "Doctors of Reddit, what's the most outrageous self-diagnosis that you've heard from a patient?", doctors shared the most laughable patient theories they've ever encountered. Read on for some of our favorites. 1. The Food Baby Reddit user Danimerry once was paid a visit by a patient who had gained weight and believed she was pregnant, despite having taken more than six pregnancy tests that all came back negative. When the patient took another test at the doctor's office and it came back negative once again, Danimerry asked her a few more questions. It was then that the doctor learned the patient had been eating chicken wings — and only chicken wings — for weeks. Now that's what you call a food baby. 2. The Tongue Twister Reddit user Tacosplusmeequals visited the hospital when the user's mom took her kids to the doctor to get "weird bumps all over the back of [their] tongues" examined. The diagnosis? Tacosplusmeequals had tastebuds — as humans do. 3. The Case of Laundry Soap-itis Reddit user and pharmacist pharmaSEEE writes about having more than one patient who believed they had Stevens-Johnson syndrome, a rare, life-threatening skin condition. Their actual diagnosis? Dermatitis as a result of coming in contact with laundry soap. Oops. 4. The Not-So STD One female patient in her late eighties came to Reddit user allergist with concerns that she had contracted a sexually transmitted disease. This appointment was just a few weeks ago... but the woman hadn't had sex since before her husband died in 1994. The funniest part? As the Reddit user's name would suggest, this doctor is, indeed, an allergist. 5. The Mom in Denial While working in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, Hoax13 once encountered a patient who called 911 "because her stomach hurt a lot and she thought she was dying." The emergency room confirmed that she was, in fact, pregnant in and in labor, despite the woman's insistence that she just had a bad case of gas. She continued to deny that she could possibly be pregnant — even after she was presented with her baby. The patient's persistence prompted a nurse to say "Well, here's your gas. It's a boy!" as she handed her the newborn. 6. The Edible Mole This just might be the most laughable self-diagnosis yet: Reddit user JDogg_of_RS had a patient book an emergency mole inspection because it "had shown up overnight" and the patient believed it to be cancer. Just a few seconds into the exam, JDogg_of_RS wiped the "mole" right off the patient. "It was chocolate melted onto her skin," the user wrote. 7. The Hungry Hypochondriac Reddit user ESFJ0730's patient, a foreign exchange student, decided he had pancreatic cancer after he ate breakfast one morning and became hungry again three hours later. ESFJ0730's treatment was simply to "eat more protein with breakfast," the user wrote. 8. The Denim Disaster Although not a doctor, Reddit user HomerAtTheBat has seen a hilarious self-diagnosis mistake too: "I once had a middle school band student who had to miss a rehearsal because she had bruises all over her legs," the user wrote. "The doctor's diagnosis? Unwashed blue jeans." Honest mistake... 9. The Lip Slip-Up When morgidoq was a student resident, the user saw a patient sit in the emergency waiting room for a whopping eight hours while complaining about a painful lip issue. The ultimate diagnosis was, interestingly enough, chapped lips. Prescription: Lip balm. Source
