1. Did 4 years just go by that quickly? It may be that med school is usually split up into pre-clinical and clinical years, but the time just flew by! When did you get grey hair? When did you gain 25 pounds? Did you really hook up with 25% if the females in your class? It’s like you lived a lifetime in just 4 years. The upside: if you did it right, you probably learned a lot, met lifelong friends, and were introduced to some really inspiring professors and scientists. 2. I’m gonna need a solid 2 year vacation now. You mean I only get a month? I call bulls*it! 3. Crap, that “debt” stuff they talked about really wasn’t a joke. Congrats!! You got your top residency choice in ______ (insert one of the most expensive cities to live in in the United States). They funny thing about top-ranked residency programs is that they are usually located in areas with heavy and diverse populations – metropolitan cities. Funny things about metropolitan locations? Lots of demand for living space and, thus, lots of rent. 4. I’m going to die alone. So, you pretty much blew every relationship that had potential in both undergrad and medical school because you were “so dedicated to your studies.” Now you’re about to start your residency where the time you aren’t in the hospital will be spent sleeping…or crying. No time for dating! Hope you have a hot nurse on your service or that your co-residents are unusually attractive! 5. Do I have to stop eating ramen now? I feel like advising patients on healthy eating and blood sugar control stands in opposition to my favorite past time: eating junk. 6. I still have no idea what I’m doing. Sure you did 2 years rounding as a medical student but rounding as a medical student is far different than rounding as an intern, and rounding as an intern is far different than rounding as a resident. You can recite the Kreb’s cycle perfectly for anyone who asks (but really who would ask?) but like, what are you supposed to do when someone comes in with a dislocated shoulder? dunno. 7. Do I have to make MORE friends? The past 8+ years of your life have been spent leaving your high school friends, making new college friends, leaving your college friends, and making new med school school friends. Sorry, you’re not done! Time to make some time for letting another group of people into your life. Making friends with your intern class is actually quite important. You may have old friends or family nearby but no one will understand the hard work and long hours like your co-interns. At the end of the day, they’re the best people to vent to and to commiserate with. 8. There are more board exams? Hopefully this question is less genuine naivety and more and expression of utter disgust. Step 1 was a nightmare that you’re pretty sure reversed any sort of social progress you made in the first 2 years of medical school. Step 2, maybe not as bad but also you had already checked out so maybe it was that you took the pressure of yourself and let your clinical skills shine. Now you’re telling me I need to take another one? Why won’t you just believe me that (despite #4) I know things and am a capable human being?! 9. You mean bullsh*tting my knowledge won’t cut it anymore? It doesn’t matter if you can cram your brains out and then regurgitate everything onto a scantron, that “knowledge” isn’t helping anyone. Your lack of knowledge now can mean the difference between life and death. Considering 1/3 of your classmates still faint at the sight of blood, this is unsettling. Source
