“When are you going back to work?” It’s a question you get used to on maternity leave, one with many permutations of delivery. There is casual interest; there is concern. On this occasion it was the one with the sardonic tone and the wry smile. The one that says “When are you going back to work?” but means Why aren’t you back already? I am a part-time A&E doctor and a mother of two, and this question, and the discussion that followed, troubled me. Criticism isn’t new. It’s been two years since the outrage and hurt caused by comments in parliament and the media about the danger to the NHS of part-time female doctors. As the daughter of a much-loved GP and a tirelessly dedicated public health physician, the thought of studying for the pure love of your subject felt self-indulgent. I had to make a contribution. So, aged seventeen, I chose medicine. And then I chose emergency medicine – and I love it. I love the interesting elderly patients and their underpaid carers who wait with them past their shift’s end. I love the children, febrile or wheezy but determined to play, their minds open to everything but sickness. I love my colleagues: forward-thinking consultants, the best nurses, the Red Cross ladies with their soothing words and their sandwiches. And those I don’t love, I still care for. I care for the drunks, the disorderlies and the people who should have gone to their GP. So the fact that that earnest teenager has become a perceived danger to the NHS, our national treasure, saddens me deeply. Scouring the internet for solace, I found a survey entitled Do part time women doctors make a positive contribution to the NHS? Of the trainees surveyed, 84% achieved consultant level and 56% returned to full-time work later in their careers. The answer to their question: a heartening yes. Emergency medicine is an exciting, challenging field but the shift patterns can be unforgiving on life outside the emergency department and, unsurprisingly, recruitment and retention of trainees is equally challenging. In that respect I see flexible working as a solution to the workforce crisis, rather than the cause. Flexible training has allowed me to retain enthusiasm in the same specialty that others leave, exhausted and unexcited. While a single colleague once confided that working such antisocial hours meant she was finding it impossible to date, I feel lucky to be able to sneak away from two sleeping children to put in a night shift at the job I so enjoy, knowing that not only are they blissfully unaware, but that I will be there for them every Friday for farm trips, play dates and rainy day Pixar marathons. When I’m at work I’m proud and happy to be there, grateful for the chance to aim for that elusive work-life balance, and to use the bathroom without two small helpers. When I go home, my patients are discharged or passed over to the care of an inpatient team, so there is no disruption in continuity of care. It’s not easy, of course. Sometimes I feel like I’m holding on too tightly to the reins of too many horses. I’ve crawled into bed after a grueling night shift only to wake up groggy, disoriented and late to collect my waiting son. I’m terrified of becoming that mum, late, forgetful or, worse, oblivious. Equally, I worry about maintaining my credibility as a doctor. Feeling a fraud among full-time doctors and stay-at-home mums, my imposter complex is the price I pay for trying to have it all. So next week my littlest will go to nursery and I will go back to work. I may work part-time, but I give each patient my all. Our detractors too often see us part-timers in silhouette, focusing on the gaps where we aren’t, rather than the work we do with enthusiasm and empathy. Perhaps it’s time that healthcare workers were seen not as commodities for sale, but rather as a diverse, caring workforce balancing increasing workloads with their own lives. Burnout threatens to drive brilliant doctors to sunnier climes every day and I’m so grateful to two small boys for the opportunity they’ve afforded me, to work less, do it better and love it more. Source
