Doctors Are Sharing the Weirdest Lies Patients Have Ever Told Them

These people weren't fooling anybody.



Nobody likes going to the hospital. They smell weird, there's a lot of waiting around, and unless someone's having a baby, you rarely end up there for a good reason. In fact, many patients are so embarrassed about the reason they ended up needing medical attention that they come up with all kinds of excuses and lies to explain their injuries. Medical professionals have been sharing some of the most outrageous refusals to admit the truth on a Reddit thread which garnered more than 40,000 comments this week.

Some people make especially bad patients because they are reluctant to give up their pride. And that makes sense; those backless gowns can feel undignified. But that shouldn't prevent you from telling your physicians the truth. Like one gentleman who was heading into the operating room for brain surgery: "Before a patient comes into the actual O.R. we ask them a series of questions, including whether they have any implants, jewelry, non-hospital clothes on," said a nurse on the thread. "Guy says no to all the questions. After the patient gets put to sleep, the surgeon grabbed his hair to start shaving it off (because you know, brain surgery) and ALL HIS HAIR PEELED OFF BECAUSE HE WAS WEARING A WIG AND DIDN’T TELL US. We almost shaved his hair piece because he wouldn’t admit to anyone he wore it."

One commenter recalled the time he admitted a patient for chest pains: "As part of the workup, I did a urine drug screen which came back positive for cocaine. After the rest of his cardiac workup was negative, I said to him, 'Good news, you didn't have a heart attack. It's likely that your chest pain was caused by cocaine.'" To which the patient replied: "I didn't use cocaine. See, I was at a party and people had some lines of cocaine out on a table. As I was walking by, an oscillating fan blew the cocaine into my face, which is why my urine was positive."

Because people who throw parties where there's coke would totally have a fan nearby. This is the special kind of story that is so transparently made up that it's almost endearing, as is the juvenile belief that a qualified doctor would believe it.

Turns out, it's incredibly common for patients to deny taking drugs. And even when it comes to legal indulgences like tobacco and alcohol, many will lie, as if they fear a doctor's judgment when the truth is they need to know in order to be able to best treat a problem. And in all likelihood, if you stink of cigarette smoke or your blood alcohol levels are high, your denial is just going to annoy the people trying to help.

Another remarkably common response on the thread involved young women who were pregnant but claimed to be virgins, despite all evidence to the contrary. A lot of the time these instances were due to them being accompanied to the hospital by a parent who simply thought they had "stomach pains."

Clamming up when it comes to sex is something anyone who has worked in a hospital knows to expect. Similarly, injuries where foreign objects end up lodged somewhere uncomfortable are also incredibly commonplace for doctors — as is the feigned nonchalance of patients who say they have "no idea" how they got there.

"I once had a woman come in for a possible yeast infection," reads one comment. "On exam she had a glass bottle stuck in her vaginal filled with urine. Totally wouldn’t admit it was hers or explain how it got there even after we removed it. Just kept saying 'I think this is all a joke and you put it up there.'" The commenter ultimately drew the conclusion that the patient had been attempting to cheat on a drug test and things went wrong.

The thing to remember is, doctors, nurses and EMTs are there to help you. And no matter how embarrassed you are, honesty really is the best policy.

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