I have tried my best to take full advantage of the fact that the medical school I attend is a pass/fail grading system for the first two years of school. This has been great and has allowed me to work hard, but also attend conferences and pursue other interests inside and outside the world of medicine. But, what happens when you fail? And I mean to the borderline where you may have to retake an exam. And then, what if you don’t pass the exam the next time? These are the thoughts that slowly start to consume you. Now, I have failed a handful of exams in undergrad and I always managed to just study super hard for the next exam and it worked out okay. But, here in med school, unlike college, they watch you like a hawk. The day after grades came out I already had an email from a staff member to meet with them regarding my exam score. It seems as though you can never take a breath when you know that you are constantly being watched. The school hires people to specifically work with us and make a study plans, organize our lives, etc. And they do look out for our best interests, but you know ultimately you still need to pass and there is no escaping that. Plus, they just hired someone to work for them who is unfortunately not as supportive as some of the staff members they have had in the past. It only seems to make it worse when you have someone who is now no longer willing to work with you, but is trying to make you feel worse about what happened than you already feel. As we all know, as pre-meds, med students, or residents, we all beat ourselves up plenty! How do I manage the thoughts knowing that I really could have studied more. How do I cope with feeling bored with material I am learning but knowing that I still must learn it? What do you do in med school when you feel like if you see another pathology image your head might explode? Well, I wish I had the answers. But, for now I suppose it’s time to swallow my pride, work harder, and move forward. Stay tuned for the how the results of the exam end up, ultimately. What do you do in med school when you must cope with the feeling of failure and when a staff member is not supportive and is condescending and threatening? Who is the best person to turn to when there are not many faculty to start with? This is a question that might require even more thought. It can feel very political at medical school if I am going to be honest. Who likes who, who knows who, who trusts who? The power struggle between students, faculty, and in the infighting that occurs between each group can be very overwhelming. I am just throwing my thoughts out there for this article because it is incredibly important when you apply to schools (if that is the stage you are at) do not just ask about the students, but also the faculty. It is important to really understand from students what the support network is like and how you can best navigate the support network. Overall, failure sucks. But, it is something we all will or have experienced at some point in our lives, and we will all make it through the struggle, even when it’s tough. Source
