Dads are notoriously difficult to shop for and physicians are no exception. To help the kids of physicians who just realized that Sunday is Father’s Day, here is a guide to help you figure out what to get your dad based on his subspecialty: Orthopaedics: A bigger hammer. The answer is always a bigger hammer powered by a bigger bicep. Emergency Medicine: A consultant actually happy to come in and see a patient on the weekend regardless of whether or not a workup has been initiated. Internal Medicine: Orthopaedics to admit one damn patient over 65 years of age to their own damn service. Just one. Pediatrics: The ER to complete one entire consult without using the phrases “kiddo,” “little guy/gal,” “munchkin,” or “small adult.” Dermatology: Golf balls or a noon tee time. Any day of the week is fine, he’ll be there. Plastic Surgery: A newer, slightly younger, definitely hotter mom. Or at least new parts for the old mom. Neurosurgery: Mandatory helmet laws being followed by motorcyclists. Transplant surgeon: Mandatory helmet laws not being followed by motorcyclists. General Surgery: For the ER to drain one perirectal abscess on their own, or for an entire case of false negative guaiac cards to be delivered to the ER. Cardiology: A full day without a single PVC on any inpatient ward. GI: Fiber added to the city water. Psychiatry: Zoloft added to the city water. Pulmonology: Chantix added to the city water. Nephrology: Normal urine output for every patient in the hospital for a day. Radiology: Fully-detailed clinical history on every study ordered. Infectious diseases: For basically every specialty with a P (except Path) to stop giving out antibiotics for viruses. Pathology: An entire hospital of surgeons and nurses who know the difference and rationale for fresh versus frozen or a replacement for formalin that doesn’t smell like comet mixed with cat urine. Urology: For every nurse in the hospital to always remember to deflate the balloon before inserting or removing a Foley and to never inflate the balloon in the urethra. Or Flomax added to the city water. OB/GYN: To be respected by other surgeons as surgeons, or at least to have a surgeon explain what fascia is and why it needs to be closed. Anesthesia: An appreciative surgeon for a patient staying perfectly still for 4 hours despite a promise of 30 minutes of operative time. Ophthalmology: What do you get a guy who makes $400k in 4 days a week? Maybe a new tie? PA/NP: Respect as equals from physicians for even one day. Female physicians: To go one damn week and not once be assumed to be a nurse/PA/medical student. It’s not their day, but it would be nice. Source
