Forget NSFW Sexual Fantasies; This Is What Men Want In Their Sex Lives

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Men often get a reputation for having NSFW sex fantasies, but a new survey found they have a bit of a different desire: most men prefer more sensual and romantic forms of sexual behavior. The research found that both men and women of all ages prefer affectionate sexual behaviors such as kissing and cuddling above all else, suggesting that at the end of the day, we all just really want to be held.

Despite the fact that humans have been having sex since, well, forever, our partners' true desires in the bedroom have remained a mystery for most people. Thankfully, a group of scientists from the Indiana University School of Public Health have peeled back some of the mystery to reveal what men and women want more of in the bedroom. A number of sex acts made the list, such as masturbation and oral sex, but the majority of respondents admitted that they’d like a bit more romance and affection in their relationship.

"Contrary to some stereotypes, the most appealing behaviors, even for men, are romantic and affectionate behaviors," lead author Debby Herbenick said in a statement on ScienceDaily. "These included kissing more often during sex, cuddling, saying sweet/romantic things during sex, making the room feel romantic in preparation for sex, and so on."

The survey also revealed which types of sex acts respondents had previously tried. They were asked whether they'd engaged in more than 30 sexual behaviors and how appealing these behaviors were. Wearing sexy lingerie and underwear, and sending/receiving nude images were rated high by the bulk of the group, IFL Science reported.

These findings are in line with past research, which has revealed that most individuals think the best part of sex is not the pleasure of the moment, but the cuddling and feelings of closeness that often follow. Many studies have shown that a more active and healthy sex life is generally associated with more happiness and life satisfaction, however, research released earlier this year found that sex-induced happiness only really exists if the act is followed by positive emotions.

“When engaging in sex, people not only seek an intimate connection, but indeed experience more affection, both when having sex and in the next several hours,” explained the researchers, The British Psychological Society reported. “Hence sex seems not only beneficial because of its physiological or hedonic effects, but because it promotes a stronger and more positive connection with the partner.”

However, it's not just about the kissing and cuddles. Other research conducted by the “pro-cheating” website Victoria Milan has suggested that oral sex is also a pretty high priority on most people’s sex wish list; so high that some are willing to cheat on their significant other if the act involves some sort of oral pleasure, Metroreported. The site found that for 65 percent of cheating women and 68 percent of cheating men, oral sex is a dealbreaker, and lack of it in a current relationship contributes to their desire to seek sex elsewhere.

Knowledge of our sexual desires doesn’t just make for fun news stories, it also helps researchers better understand human happiness, and ways to improve it. The Indiana researchers hope their data can help couples find new and exciting ways of being intimate and sexual, which will ultimately lead to improved sexual satisfaction and relationship happiness.

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