In the age of doctor burnout, perhaps one skill you need to develop is telling your boss no. No, I can’t cover call this weekend. No, I can’t take on more patients. No, I can’t stay late tonight. Clare Fowler, who holds a PhD in workplace mediation, says that saying no to your boss has some frightening connotations. Saying no to a superior is especially difficult for doctors who have been conditioned by residency to constantly push themselves by always taking on more. But Fowler says that doctors don’t need to be afraid. Instead, they can see saying no to a supervisor as an opportunity. “Saying no is scary, because we think this could make someone dislike us, or we could upset our boss, or put our job in danger,” Fowler says. “But instead, you can take the viewpoint of, ‘How can we deepen our relationship through this? How can I help them to understand more about me, and how can I understand more about them, and what I need to do my job well, and how I can support them in their job?’” Know your negotiation style To improve at having these types of conversations, you need to know what type of negotiator you are. According to Fowler, people tend to either be soft negotiators or hard negotiators. Soft negotiators are flexible and accommodating. “When pushed too hard, soft negotiators can also become the doormats that do not get their own interests satisfied,” Fowler says. “They do not stand up when something isn’t a good idea, or if they have a better suggestion, they’re afraid to give it. These people often burn out in the long term because their needs are not being met.” Hard negotiators, on the other hand, tend to be domineering and stand up for themselves even when they’re not being criticized. In order to make your boss see things your way, Fowler says you need to take a more moderate path between these two extremes. “What I think the goal really needs to be is a place in the middle, where we’re not a soft negotiator doormat, but we’re also not a hard negotiator warrior,” Fowler says. “Instead, you’re just a firm negotiator that is able to kindly but firmly stand up for your own interests and what you know is right. You don’t have to be wishy-washy, but you also don’t have to be so aggressive.” Know your boss Once you’ve perfected your negotiation style, you may need to adjust your messaging to match your boss. Perhaps you have a reasonable boss. They’re likely to respond well to this even-handed approach. But if you have a boss who is narcissistic and manipulative, or a boss who is easily offended, things get a bit more challenging. But don’t worry. Fowler says there’s a way for handling both. For narcissistic psychopaths, Fowler recommends Bill Eddy’s B.I.F.F. method. Keep it Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm. “The idea there is that, if you need to tell them no, you are communicating something that they don’t want to hear. So keep it brief so they don’t feel lectured and there’s less chance for them to become defensive,” Fowler says. “Keep it informative. You’re just sticking to the facts. With these types of people, you don’t want to get into your emotions as much. Keep it friendly. You don’t want to come across as aggressive, because they will then respond in kind. But you also have to be very firm, so you don’t want to come across as wishy-washy.” For a more sensitive bosses, you’ll need to elaborate a bit more and show that you’re conscious of their feelings and needs. Fowler gives this example: “As much as I would like to stay late, because I know that you need help, I don’t have anyone else who can pick up my child from daycare. Thank you so much for understanding.” “The three main things that you want to do are validate their interests, so they know that you’ve heard where they’re coming from, explain your own interests, and then thank them for being so understanding instead of coming across as apologetic.” TL;DR If you want to get better at saying no to your boss, first you need to strive for balance in your negotiating style. You want to land somewhere between flexible and domineering. Don’t be a doormat, but don’t be a bully either. Then, tailor your approach to the type of boss you have. Reasonable bosses will likely respond well to this balanced approach. Narcissists respond well to the B.I.F.F. method. Keep it Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm. Sensitive bosses will need to know that you’ve taken their feelings and needs into account, and they will need to understand why you’re telling them no. Source
