How to Make a Long-Distance Relationship Work as a Doctor

Navigating Long-Distance Relationships as a Medical Resident

Residency is tough. Long hours, sleep deprivation, and stress levels that make you question your life choices daily. Now, imagine adding a long-distance relationship to the mix. Managing both successfully? That takes surgical precision, emotional stamina, and a WiFi connection stronger than your caffeine addiction.

Long-distance relationships (LDRs) are not easy, but they are possible. Many doctors have done it, and so can you. Here’s how to survive—and even thrive—while balancing a demanding medical career and a relationship that spans cities, states, or even continents.

Step One: Accept That It’s Going to Be Hard

• Residency alone is brutal. Add a long-distance relationship, and suddenly, you are in a Grey’s Anatomy subplotwhere both characters are constantly missing each other’s calls.
• Be realistic about your situation. There will be missed anniversaries, rescheduled visits, and FaceTime calls where you both fall asleep mid-conversation.
• The sooner you accept the challenges, the sooner you can focus on solutions.

Step Two: Communication—Your Lifeline

• Communication is everything in an LDR. But forget about texting every five minutes—it’s not sustainable when you’re running codes at 2 AM.
• Set realistic expectations. Maybe a "Good morning" text, one check-in message, and a call before bed is enough.
• Use voice notes, quick video messages, or even memes to stay connected when your schedule is chaotic.
• Be intentional with the time you do have. A 10-minute quality call is better than an hour of distracted scrolling while on FaceTime.

Step Three: Schedule Video Calls Like You Schedule Surgeries

• A spontaneous "Hey, let’s talk" rarely works in residency. You need to schedule your calls like an OR case.
• Find a time that works for both of you—maybe during your post-call breakfast or their lunch break.
• Respect the schedule. If you commit to calling at 8 PM, make it happen (unless you’re literally in the middle of a crash C-section).

Step Four: Make Visits a Priority (Even if You Have to Take a Red-Eye)

• No amount of FaceTime can replace in-person time. Plan visits well in advance and protect those dates like you would a vacation request.
• If you have back-to-back calls or a brutal ICU month, plan visits during lighter rotations.
• Be willing to travel tired. Post-night shift flights, red-eye buses, or quick weekend trips—sometimes, you have to be creative.
• Even short visits matter. A 36-hour trip is still better than nothing.

Step Five: Create Shared Rituals

• Just because you are in different places does not mean you cannot do things together.
• Examples of rituals:
  • "Netflix dates" where you watch the same episode and text reactions in real-time.
  • Morning coffee calls before work.
  • Sending letters or small gifts as surprises.
• These rituals create a sense of normalcy and connection.

Step Six: Address the Big Question—What’s the Endgame?

• LDRs work best when there is a clear end date. Residency is temporary, so what happens after?
• Talk about the future early. Will they move to your city? Will you apply for fellowships in the same place?
• It is easier to endure distance when you both know it is leading somewhere.

Step Seven: Deal with Jealousy and Insecurity Proactively

• Let’s be honest—watching your partner go out with friends while you are stuck in a 30-hour call shift with zero social life is tough.
• Avoid overthinking and making assumptions. If they do not text back immediately, it is not because they are cheating—it is because they have a normal work-life balance.
• Trust is non-negotiable. If you constantly worry about what your partner is doing, address the insecurity instead of controlling their actions.

Step Eight: Get Creative with gifts and Surprises

• Small, thoughtful gifts can go a long way in keeping the romance alive.
• Ideas:
  • A handwritten letter mailed the old-school way.
  • A care package with snacks, books, or something personal.
  • A surprise Uber Eats delivery to their workplace.
• These small things keep the relationship exciting and meaningful.

Step Nine: Be Honest About Burnout and Emotional Exhaustion

• Some days, you will be too exhausted to talk. Instead of forcing a conversation, be honest.
• A simple "Today was rough, I love you, let’s talk tomorrow" is enough.
• If your partner has a bad day, be a listener, not a problem-solver. They need empathy, not a treatment plan.

Step Ten: Find Other Support Systems

• Your partner cannot be your only emotional outlet. Build relationships with co-residents, mentors, and friends.
• Join online communities of other doctors in LDRs—you will be surprised at how many are going through the same thing.
• Having support outside of your relationship prevents resentment and isolation.

Step Eleven: Make Sure You Are Still Growing as Individuals

• A relationship should complement your life, not consume it.
• Use this time apart to focus on personal growth.
• Take up hobbies, fitness, side projects, or financial planning so that you are improving yourself individually and as a partner.

Step Twelve: Know When to Reassess

• If the relationship starts feeling like a burden instead of a source of support, it may be time to re-evaluate.
• Ask:
  • Are we still making each other happy?
  • Do we still feel connected despite the distance?
  • Is this relationship helping or hurting our emotional well-being?
• Sometimes, letting go is better than holding onto something that no longer serves both of you.

Final Thoughts

Long-distance relationships in residency are not for the weak. They require effort, communication, and an insane amount of patience. But with the right mindset, strategies, and commitment, they can survive—and even thrive.

If you are in an LDR as a resident, what has worked for you? Share your tips and experiences.