Man Who Pretends To Be An Amputee Wants His Leg CUT OFF Even Though There’s Nothing Wrong With It

Every day, Nick binds his leg to pretend he is an amputee as that is the only way he can feel comfortable with himself

WHEN you see Nick O’Halloran you’d be forgiven for thinking he is an amputee.

His right leg is heavily bandaged, stopping at the knee, and he hobbles around on crutches.



Nick is a fully able-bodied man, but feels the need to strap his leg like it has been amputated

But the truth of why Nick appears to be an amputee is not because he lost a limb.

The former special needs teacher, 29, is actually fully able-bodied yet suffers from a condition that stops him recognising his leg as his own.

He is so desperate to have his right leg amputated that he injected it with alcohol in an attempt to force doctors to perform the surgery and he has been fleeced out of £20,000 for a sham amputation.



Nick has a condition which means he doesn't recognise his leg as part of his body
He says nothing will deter him from reaching his “end goal” of having his leg removed.

Nick, from Edinburgh, said: “I want it to be amputated. I perceive that to be my end goal.

“It is really the only way that I can see a future where I am happy and comfortable with myself.

“I do know that that is a bizarre thing to say but it's how I feel.”

Nick suffers from body integrity identity disorder (BIID), a rare neurological condition that makes people unable to identify certain body parts as their own.

Some sufferers want to become paraplegic, some blind, but for Nick it is his right leg that is affected.

He added: “I can tell you exactly where it stops being ‘my body’, three inches below my right hip. After that, it’s just not me.

I want it to be amputated. I perceive that to be my end goal.

Nick O'Halloran, BIID Sufferer
“I think I’ve always felt this way, but I think when I was younger I just couldn’t put it into words.

“I remember vividly around the age of ten feeling like something wasn’t right with my body and I just had this disgust toward my right leg.

“It was only when I was older and began studying psychology at university that I realised it had a name.”



Nick often pretends he is an amputee, hobbling around on crutches in his home

Nick describes feeling a “constant itch” in his right leg which can, on bad days, take him hours to appease.

Sometimes his desire to scratch is so great he breaks the skin and draws blood.

So to cope with his distress, he likes to pretend he is an amputee.

He bends the leg and sheaths it in a tube bandage before strapping it up. He then puts on his jeans as normal.

The end result is the impression that his right leg is missing from the knee down.

I can tell you exactly where it stops being ‘my body’, three inches below my right hip. After that, it’s just not me.

Nick O'Halloran, BIID Sufferer
He explains that binding his leg is the closest he ever feels to his “true self”.

He said: “I have no association with my right leg. It just feels like it shouldn’t be there.

“I’d say it’s similar to if you had a weird growth on your arm - it would revolt you and disgust you and you’d want to get it taken off as quickly as possible.

“That is how I feel about my leg but obviously, I can’t get it removed.”



He feels guilt and shame because he knows there are people who would do anything for a fully able body

Nick has tried to on several occasions, however.

Three years ago he paid a ‘gatekeeper’ - a person who posts in Body integrity identity disorder (BIID) forums - boasting about contacts they have in the surgical field who are willing to amputate limbs for a fee.

He paid £20,000 to see a surgeon who could finally give him what he wanted, but the gatekeeper disappeared with his money and was never traced.

Then, on three separate occasions, he has injected his leg with medical grade alcohol in the hope he would cause so much damage medics would be forced to remove it. His attempts failed.

He said: “I really didn’t need to drum up any courage before injecting the leg because I don’t feel like it is really attached to me so in damaging the leg, I’m not breaking anything that I identify as mine.

“Of course, everything else I care deeply about and so I had to measure the alcohol out carefully because I didn’t want to do any damage to any other part of my body.”

“I needed to do something and I thought, either this will work or I will try something more drastic – I thought about perhaps putting the leg on a train track or something like that.”

WHAT IS BODY INTEGRITY IDENTITY DISORDER?


Body integrity identity disorder occurs when a person's idea of how they should look does not match their physical form.

It affects a very small percentage of the population and is commonly manifested by a desire to have an amputation of a specific body part.

In most cases, the limb that the person wants removed is actually in healthy, working order with no physical problems with it but the sufferer does not recognise it as their own.

Cause:

Many psychologists and neurologists have ventured theories into what causes this type of thought.

The leading idea is that the brain is not able to provide an accurate plan of the body.

In this case, the brain sees the offending limb as being foreign and not actually a part of the person, which causes the desire to have it removed.

Others believe that a person with BIID may have seen an amputee at an early age and this has replaced their ideas of what the ideal person is.

Living with BIID:

Surgeons will not remove a limb unless there is a medical reason to do so.

In the most severe cases a sufferer may take extreme measures and cause their limb harm in a bid to have it removed.

Others may find comfort in taking measures to live like an amputee.

Source: BIID.org

But the itch in Nick’s leg continued and became so preoccupying last year that he had to eventually quit his job.

He confided in a GP, hoping for help, but instead was put on medication for obsessive compulsive disorder and depression, but he still feels the same way about his leg.

The situation drove Nick to feel guilt and shame about the way he felt and in May 2016, Nick walked to a local station, intending to throw himself under a train.

He said: “There’s a lot of guilt and shame associated with the way I feel.

“I fully understand that there are people born without limbs who would love a fully able body.

“It’s a very complicated and difficult disorder to deal with, especially without support.”



Nick has begun working with Assistant Professor in Psychology, Dr Anna Sedda, who has been researching BIID

Fortunately, staff at the station noticed Nick on the platform and rushed to remove him.

He decided then and there that it was time to speak out about his condition.

He eventually confided in his best friend Daniel, and although completely shocked, he offered his support.

Encouraged by his new-found confidante, Nick travelled to Heriot-Watt University in Edinburgh last month to meet Assistant Professor in Psychology, Dr Anna Sedda.

I thought about perhaps putting the leg on a train track or something like that.

Nick O'Halloran, BIID Sufferer
Dr Sedda is one of only a handful of psychologists actively researching BIID.

She said: “I run tests on emotional processing, specifically disgust processing.

“We all need to feel disgust because it warns us against contamination and dangerous situations.

“What we find in Nick’s results, as with other people with BIID, is that he has a perfectly normal response to disgust – the same as anyone you would meet in the street, but there is a specific difference when it comes to the amputation of body parts.

"It shows that there is a different emotional processing in relation to the representation of the body in people with BIID.”



Nick finally found the courage to speak out about his condition after confiding in his friend Daniel
Dr Sedda’s research suggests that the disorder is due to a misfire in the brain’s neurons to the nervous system, rather than a mental health problem.

She added: “We represent our body with one head, two arms, two legs and that internal map is located in the corical areas of the brain.

“In BIID, there is a dysfunction here so it may be that it is a condition that is present since birth.”

Dr Sedda is treating Nick with a series of brain simulation techniques in the hope it will rid him of the urge to remove his leg.

Nick hopes in sharing his story he will raise awareness of the condition and give others the courage to speak up and seek help.

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