OBGYN Resident Skills Directly Linked to Number of Medical Students Made to Cry

A recent study using data gathered from women’s hospitals nationwide, recently confirmed a longtime hypothesis: OBGYN residents who are the most adept at delivering babies, with the least morbidity and mortality rates, are also the best at making medical students cry.

“I didn’t know the new ACOG preeclampsia guidelines”
Study head, Dr. Barry Ono, elaborates on the reason behind the study: “We have always known medical students to run in fear from the halls of Labor and Delivery with tears streaming down their faces, but this is the first time we have asked ourselves, ‘is that really such a bad thing?'”

“It turns out the more displaced anger any given OBGYN resident has towards his/her medical students, the less laboring patients feel their wrath, which in turn leads to better outcomes, as well as higher patient satisfaction.”

We interviewed Dr. Mary North, one of the top performing OBGYN residents in her program’s history, for her perspective. “When I was an intern and was pissed off about life, as I often am, I used to take it out on my difficult patients, you know by unnecessarily delaying epidurals, ramping up the pitocin too fast, suggesting caesarians without clear indications, etc.”

“But then, a wise senior resident told me I should really try making med students feel inadequate instead. As soon as I made my first student cry after I pimped the heck out of him, ridiculed him even when he got the answers right, and made him retract for hours during a vaginal hysterectomy on a 300 pound woman, it just felt right. Since then, after having been responsible for the tears of countless medical students, I am able to deliver 10 pound breech births with my hands practically tied behind my back. AND I’m chief resident!”

Dr. North’s average time from greeting a 3rd year medical student on rotation to reducing him or her into a blubbering short-coated mess is now approximately 1 minute and 36 seconds (top 1% nationwide across specialties).

Since the publication of the study, ACOG has made efforts with OBGYN programs nationwide to train residents to more efficiently pair any teachable moment for medical students with profuse lacrimation (from the student, of course).

The medical students who participated in the study were unable to be reached for comment, as they were either cowering in the L&D call rooms or too busy being yelled at during postpartum rounds.



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