Returning to Medical School after being a Psychiatric Patient: How to Help Us

I took a deep breath and opened the door of my flat. My heart was absolutely pounding. There were butterflies in my stomach. This was it.



Slowly, I began walking towards my Medical School. This was the first time I was going back after my psychiatric admission. I thought of all the rumours which had spread when I was first admit in hospital. How would I deal with these rumours now? I thought of the friends in front of whom I had a psychotic breakdown when I last saw them. How would I be able to show my face to them? I thought of the big lecture theatre where I was heading towards. Where would be the best place to hide in such a big place?

Returning to Medical School (or indeed, anywhere!) after being a mental health patient is one of the hardest things I have had to do. The stigma, the rumours, the misunderstandings, the whispers…you name it. Recently, I wrote a Twitter post ranting about this:



One of the hardest things I’ve done is returning to #medschool after I was discharged from the psychiatric unit. I remember all the stares, whispers and gossip I overhead. I felt like a criminal who’d been released from prison.

If someone is ill, please be kind. #mentalhealth

The positive response which I got from the Tweet is something I wish I got when I returned to Medical School too. Unfortunately, all of my fears of what returning would be like ended up coming true. There were rumours, there were whispers, there were stares. I am sure that some of these whispers and stares were well meaning too, however. I am sure that there were people who wanted to help, but were unsure as to how to do that. In fact, I got lots of messages after the Tweet above asking what the best thing to do was for someone who was returning from a psychiatric hospital.

Here are my thoughts on that.

Please don’t whisper as I pass

It sounds obvious. Yet, it happens. One source of frustration for me was all the whispers.

Is that the person you were telling me about?

Is that the one who was admit in the psychiatric unit?

Do you think we should talk to him?

Please remember that we are not some spectacle in a zoo. We are human beings too. In fact, we are extremely vulnerable at the time. We have literally just spent some time in hospital for that vulnerability – don’t make it worse. In my case, I was recovering from a bad bout of psychosis. I was suspicious of absolutely everyone. I couldn’t go out for weeks, out of fear that I was being followed. Objects or sounds which weren’t real appeared very real to me, and I got suspicious when other people couldn’t see them.

Then on top of all that, I suddenly had whispering to deal with too. How do you think this would have impacted my mental health? I hated the whispering so bloody much. I can’t emphasis that in words.

I’m sure that there will be people reading this thinking: well duh, this piece of advice is obvious! Well, I wouldn’t be writing it if I didn’t have to deal with it.

Please don’t gossip either

It’s human nature to love a bit of gossip. I think that every single human being in this world – including me – are guilty of a little bit of gossip. We all hate it when it’s about us, however, and it’s even worse when we’re out of hospital.

If someone was discharged from, for example, the gastroenterology ward after a flare up of their Crohn’s Disease, we would think twice before gossiping about them. We would understand that they have spent days feeling extremely sick, that they will need help. It would not even cross our minds to talk about their conditions behind their backs*. But yet, for mental health admissions, it seems to be more acceptable to start this gossip.

Look, I get it. My psychotic breakdown in front of you all a few months ago when I stormed out the shop really is a thrilling story from the outside. It’s the type of story which people would love to hear and go “No bloody way!” to. My admission in a psychiatric unit is the same.

But all the rumours really tore me apart. I wanted, more than anything in the world, to just feel…normal. I wanted to be able to do what every mentally healthy person can do. Things like simply thinking, appreciating my surroundings properly, being happy, I really wanted to do. But it was impossible with all the gossip. I am sure that this gossip delayed my recovery.

*I acknowledge that there will be some dicks out there who still will. They’re not worth talking about, however.

I hate to admit it, but the rumours may well be true. But I couldn’t help them

Lots of rumours spread amongst the Medical School about my mental health. Rumours about times where I may have acted strangely.

I hate to admit it, but some of them may well have been true. There were times where I acted completely out of character. But let’s face it – if you could not see happiness in your life in any way, shape or form and were seeing and hearing things which didn’t exist on top of that, it would be abnormal if you still acted normal! A lot of the stuff which happened I could not help. Things like storming out of a restaurant after a psychotic episode, or getting upset over apparently mundane things.

People literally sent me messages on Facebook of pictures of the restaurant in which I had a breakdown. Yes, pictures. I wish I was joking but I’m not. To them, I was a massive drama queen and this was a way to subtly get their own backs at me for it. If you’re one of those people, I sincerely hope that you never understand why this is wrong. That’s because the only way in which you’ll understand it’s wrong is if you yourself end up suffering in a similar way to how I did. I would not wish that on anyone.

So, from this, please bear in mind that:

1. Not everything you hear is true.
2. But things you do hear will be true.

In both cases, please don’t judge me.

If I’m sitting alone, please don’t be afraid to join me

After my admission, all the gossip and the rumours, I often found myself sitting at the back of the lecture theatre. I really just wanted to hide from everyone. But despite that, I just wanted a sign from someone that I was still cared about.

Very, very few people came to check up on me after my admission. It was an extremely miserable experience being the only one at the back of the lecture theatre, watching everyone else with their friends and seeming happy. It made me feel like I was some sort of outcast, as though I wasn’t welcome in the Medical School. Now, I am sure that there are people reading this thinking: “Oh come on, you’re the one who sat at the back!”

You wouldn’t be unreasonable to think that. But please bear in mind that I have been the brunt of so many whispers and gossip that I’m struggling to trust anyone right now. Please do come and sit next to me. We don’t even have to talk about mental health. We can talk about anything else you want to. In fact, I would appreciate that. It would make me feel human once again.

As I’ve said, I’m not an animal. I am a human being too.

Should we talk about my mental health?

Often, people are unsure about whether or not they should ask how I’m doing.

This is a very difficult one to address, for it will really depend on my mood at the time. On the one hand, I really do want to be treated normally, as though I don’t have any mental health issues. On the other hand, I do want to know that I’m cared about despite what has happened.

My personal advice would be to start a conversation about something else. If it seems like we’re opening up easily, or dropping hints that we’re not doing too well, feel free to talk to me about my mental health. If not, and the conversation is going well, don’t worry about it! Don’t feel obliged to talk about it if it seems like we don’t. It is probably safer to ask something simple like: “So how have you been?” to gauge whether or not we want to talk about our mental health or not.

Even if you do end up asking about my mental health and I don’t want to tell you, I won’t get angry! I’ll just politely ask if we can talk about something else. Don’t get offended at that, please – I will actually appreciate you asking!

Final thoughts

Returning to Medical School after my admission has easily been one of the hardest experiences of my life. It was made much harder by people spreading rumours. Please, if you have colleagues in a similar position, bear in mind what I have said. Be sure to ask us how we’re doing now, but don’t dwell on it. Treat us like the friends we once were to you. We just want to be treated normally and with respect.

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