The 7 Most Awkward Conversations Overheard During Med School Orientation

h, orientation. Between the rush of meeting so many new people, the copious amounts of alcohol and the lectures on how not to get hep C during your time on the wards (hint: don’t stab yourself with needles you find on the floor), orientation helps create the perfect environment for the occasional awkward conversation. Here I catalog some of the best ones I was privileged enough to overhear this week.

Number Seven

Bro 1: You know how at every med school orientation there is that one bro who gets way too friendly with all the girls? That bro lives in infamy for the next four years. I bet that if you can’t name that guy off the top of your head, chances are you are that bro.

Bro 2: Yeah, I’m pretty sure I’m that bro.

Don’t worry, there are support groups on campus, bro.

Number Six

Girl: I’m definitely considering campaigning for our class’s social chair. When I was an RA in college, I used to host these sick study breaks all based on fruit themes: bananas, strawberries, pineapples, all the best fruits out there. For Chinese New Year, I did one with the dragon fruit and I spent like $500 on getting fruit directly from China and it was so awesome because I made everyone dress up as a dragon fruit. I really think I could pull the same thing off for medical school, but maybe focus on like bacteria or body parts instead of fruit.

Guy: That sounds like it could be fun.

…Interesting campaign strategy.

Number Five

Girl 1: What’s your name again?

Girl 2: We’ve met like five times already, [Girl 1’s name].

Girl 1: Yeah, I’m really bad with names. Sorry!

Girl 2: Look, don’t take this personally, but you had your chance. I’ve been hurt like this before.

Patients are going to love Girl 2’s tolerance, and Girl 1’s memory problems.



Number Four

Peer Mentor: First year’s not so bad. Don’t get me wrong — it’s hard work, but very manageable. If you have a little time this week, do yourself a favor and begin looking over your biochem notes from college. That and microbio notes will definitely be your lifesavers.

Mentee: I didn’t take those classes in college.

Peer Mentor: Really? Well then, these next few weeks will be a real character building experience for you. Welcome to Strugglesville, population you.

When sh*t gets real for the theology majors.

Number Three

Girl 1: I hate it when you’re just meeting someone and you tell them that you went to a school in New Haven and they respond by telling you they went to a random school in the Midwest and then you have to pretend like you know what they’re talking about. But you really have no idea whatsoever!

Girl 2: Why not just say you went to Yale?

If you’re enough of a tool to say this in the first place, there is no reason to obscure your alma mater.

Number Two

Guy 1: Are you going out tonight?

Guy 2: Naw, I’m really an all-or-nothing kind of guy and tomorrow we have orientation at 9 am.

Guy 1: What does that mean?

Guy 2: When I go out, I like blacking out and waking up the next morning naked, with pieces of destroyed public property. One drink just doesn’t interest me anymore.

His psychiatry rotation will probably be an enlightening experience.

Number One

Guy: Hey, you look so familiar. Have we met?

Girl: I went to college in Boston. Maybe we’ve hung out at the same party once?

Guy: No, that’s not it… You wouldn’t happen to be CutieLabTech15 on OKCupid, would you?

Girl: Wait… are you ICanBeYourDoc,Baby?

Guy: I’m pretty sure I messaged you a little while back, but you never answered back.

Girl: Oh… So do you really think I have luscious lips or were you just making that up?

Every so often, love blossoms during orientation.

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