1- Bashful: Like a tortoise with a medical degree, this painfully quiet and tentative resident can be found hiding in the corner during a code even though he’s the only one that really knows his stuff. To help him come out of his shell, take baby steps. Have him present a patient in his “big kid voice,” then ask a few easy questions. If nurtured, this resident will eventually shine. If tortured, this resident will switch to pathology. 2- Dopey: You can find this resident roaming the hallways, looking for his team that began rounds without him. When presenting his patients, every infusion rate, vent setting and blood gas are just a bit off. The nurses like to mess with him. And he’s always missing a vital sign; watch the nephrologist’s head explode when he doesn’t know the most recent blood pressure. This resident needs a gunner med student following him around everywhere, asking endless questions, to keep him on his toes. 3- Grumpy: This self-proclaimed black cloud thrives on uncovering inequities in weekend and holiday call schedules. Every patient is either too sick for the floor or not sick enough to be in the hospital. And no one belongs on her service. She spends more time complaining than just taking care of patients. Send her to peds heme-onc for a rotation; that should give her some perspective. 4- Happy: The bright-eyed, optimistic, go-getter that you absolutely want to strangle. She’s unfazed by a few extra calls, and gets excited about new admissions. She brings donuts for the nurses’ station, coffee for her attendings, and candy for the resident lounge just to be nice. A few nights in the ICU with a brain-dead patient that the family refuses to take off life support should be enough to crush her spirit. 5- Sleepy: This resident can be found snoozing during every noon lecture, and every conference when the lights are dimmed. He leans against a wall or code cart during rounds, dozing off between his patient presentations. He knows the only thing harder than putting in a chest tube while half asleep, is placing an arterial line when you’re jacked up on NoDoz and a red eye. A multi-disciplinary care conference on a patient that’s been admitted for six months should teach him a lesson. 6- Sneezy: If there’s a rare, fatal condition she’s learned about, this resident will surely think she has it! From Ebola when she has a sore throat to CJD when she starts to experience call-induced memory loss and hallucinations, when she hears hoofbeats, she thinks “killer zebra with turquoise and hot pink stripes.” Have her spend a few weeks in the HIV clinic just to mess with her. 7- Doc: This rare gem of a resident can be trusted to handle the most complicated cases, the most difficult families, and the most annoying medical students. She takes ownership of her patients. His attendings cheer when he’s on the call schedule. The nurses love her. His colleagues would be completely filled with jealousy-induced hate, except he’s graciously and discretely saved their asses more times than they can count. If appreciated, this resident will stay in academic medicine inspiring and teaching thousands. If not, she will go work for pharma. Source
