The most important single factor in the career of a woman doctor is the man she marries—who, I might add, is like anyone else, capable of change. —Marcia Angell, M.D., deputy editor, New England Journal of Medicine One of the most obvious changes to the face of medicine in recent years is the fact that more women are practicing or training to become physicians. The American Medical Association reports that an estimated 26.6 percent of doctors are female compared with 7.6 percent in 1970. If you look around medical schools nowadays, there is nearly a 1:1 ratio of male to female students. And as more women enter the field, more men are finding themselves in the role of “doctor’s husband.” Being the doctor’s wife comes with its own struggles, many of which stem from stereotypes left over from the white-glove days when doctors’ wives were considered part of high society and were expected to maintain the home front and support their husband’s career in whatever capacity was required. Being a doctor’s husband, however, comes with a different set of challenges. If we’re stay-at-home dads, we struggle with trying to balance child rearing and homemaking. And many of us feel stigmatized, especially if we’ve left our own careers to advance our wives.’ Sometimes, when I talk to other men about my role, they tell me they wish they could stay home as well. But at others, I get raised eyebrows, smirks, and snide comments. It’s at those times that I feel like a full-blown, home-grown oddity. I took on the duties of stay-at-home dad after our family’s move to Rochester from Canada. My wife took a job as an emergency physician at the Mayo Clinic in December of 1997, and I was unable to join the workforce while I waited for a green card. I had been working as a paramedic while my wife worked in the ER in Edmonton, Alberta. With both of us working shifts, life was hectic, especially with two small children. We tried to schedule ourselves so that one of us was always home, but it wasn’t always possible. Sleep deprived and learning the ropes of parenthood, we often felt our jobs were the stabilizing factor in our lives. Work was where we had more control as well as like-minded adults to talk to. I still long for the excitement of a career left behind every time I hear a siren or a medical helicopter overhead. But in retrospect, being a stay-at-home dad has been the grounding force in our family life, and it has given me a chance to become involved in the community as a member of the Minnesota Medical Association (MMA) Alliance, an organization I felt would give me a chance to use my medical background. As more men marry or become partners of physicians or future physicians, the face of the alliance and other auxiliary medical organizations will change. Currently, five state medical association alliances have male presidents. I was invited to my first meeting by another male alliance member. In Minnesota, the turnover rate for male members is high, which I attribute to the predominantly female membership and the perception that the group has a women’s agenda. But I suspect this will change as more men become involved. Redefining Our Role Old ideas about what the alliance is and does and what it means to be a physician’s spouse or significant other are things members have to contend with every time we go into the community to advance our mission of promoting medicine and public health. As a matter of survival, we too have had to change. We’ve had to learn to promote ourselves better, and we are finally being taken seriously as a force of change. We have become active in parent-teacher associations, school boards, and committees, where we serve as advocates for health issues and political causes. Being a doctor’s spouse or partner is no longer something we have to apologize for. We are proud of our association with our loved ones’ careers, and we feel we have much to offer on behalf of medicine. And along the way, we’ve become a support system for one another as we cope with the pressures that practicing medicine places on our spouses—pressures that spill over into our own lives. In the book The Medical Marriage—a Couple’s Survival Guide, authors Wayne and Mary Sotile paint medicine as the career path of choice if you want your marriage to fail, to become addicted to drugs and alcohol, to become depressed or suicidal, or to end up hospitalized for psychiatric illness. Studies have also pointed to decreased life expectancy and higher rates of stress-related illness for doctors as compared with the general population. Many of us were there during our loved one’s time in medical school. We saw them through residency matches and training, and finally the decision about where they would practice. Anyone who has endured this journey knows the personal and family sacrifices it takes to cross that finish line. And we know full well that the life of a practicing physician is not easy. Physicians must keep up with the latest developments in their field and see more patients in less time. Those demands take a particularly hard toll on women, who still often find themselves feeling as though they must uphold their professional commitments plus run the household. Of course, there are exceptions to the generalizations I’m making, and our culture as a whole is evolving—along with gender roles. But in order to make our spouses’ or partners’ lives a little easier, we doctor’s husbands and wives and partners—whether we are physicians ourselves, members of other professions, or stay-at-home moms and dads—had better be capable of change. I consider the friends, both male and female, I have made through the MMA Alliance an integral part of my support network as I’ve made the transition from Canada to Minnesota and from paramedic to doctor’s husband. We are proud of our loved ones’ accomplishments; but we don’t define ourselves by their careers. We are their partners and have as much a vested interest in medicine as they do. And as we contribute to the health of our communities through our activities with the alliance, we can support each other as we redefine what it means to be a physician’s wife or husband or partner. MM Read Also: Top 5 Fun Careers In Medicine And Their Salaries What Personality Characteristics Should A Doctor Have? Doctor-Doctor Marriages – Are They a Good Idea? Your Guide To A Perfect Life As A Doctor Is It Too Late To Be A Doctor? How Doctors Stay Alert source
