The Funniest Excuse a Patient Ever Gave for Missing an Appointment

Doctors are no strangers to no-shows. We've all experienced that moment when you glance at your schedule, see the next patient marked “Confirmed,” wait 15 minutes, then sigh when it becomes clear they’re not coming. Some reschedule. Some ghost you forever. But occasionally, when they finally do return, they offer an excuse so bizarre, so wildly creative, or so hilariously honest—it becomes an instant legend in the clinic.

In a world of burnout, long hours, and administrative chaos, sometimes it’s these moments—the unexpected, the human, and the absurd—that remind us why we chose this path. This article is not just a celebration of medical humor, but also an exploration of the psychology behind missed appointments, how doctors can handle them with grace, and why laughter might just be the best medicine—for both sides of the stethoscope.

1. THE “PARROT ATE MY REFERRAL” AND OTHER TALL TALES

Let’s start with some real gems reported by doctors worldwide:

• “I missed the appointment because my cat gave birth to surprise kittens in my shoe.”
  
  
• “I couldn’t come because I was in the middle of a very intense Monopoly game with my family.”
  
  
• “I was kidnapped by my cousin who needed help picking wedding centerpieces.”
  
  
• “My horoscope said today was a dangerous day to make decisions.”
  
  
• “I was on my way but saw my ex at the bus stop and had to avoid the area for emotional safety.”

One patient reportedly told their psychiatrist: “I forgot I had memory problems.” Now that’s a meta-excuse.

And then, of course, the classic from a pediatric clinic: “My baby swallowed my phone, so I couldn’t call to cancel.”

2. THE PSYCHOLOGY OF EXCUSES: WHY WE MAKE THEM (AND WHY SOME ARE RIDICULOUS)

Excuses, whether funny or not, usually serve a purpose: they help us reduce guilt, deflect blame, or preserve self-image. When patients miss appointments, the reasons fall into categories like:

• Avoidance due to fear (of test results, diagnoses, or treatments)
  
  
• Forgetfulness or disorganization
  
  
• Financial or logistical barriers
  
  
• Anxiety or embarrassment
  
  
• Pure accident or misjudgment

But when shame or guilt sets in, patients often reach for the absurd—partly to lighten the mood, partly to mask the truth. For some, humor is a coping mechanism. For others, it’s simply an attempt to be forgiven.

Doctors, being human too, often appreciate the creativity—even if it means another hole in the schedule.

3. CULTURAL VARIATIONS IN EXCUSES

Interestingly, the type of excuse a patient gives can often reflect cultural norms.

In some regions:

• Missing an appointment due to family obligations is more accepted than individual health concerns.
  
  
• Citing superstition, astrology, or omen-based avoidance is common and deeply rooted.
  
  
• Blaming public transportation or weather spirits is normal in some rural communities.

Understanding these layers helps doctors respond with sensitivity rather than sarcasm.

Still, it doesn’t make it less funny when someone says: “I didn’t come because the moon was in retrograde and my aura was off.”

4. FROM FRUSTRATION TO FORGIVENESS: HOW DOCTORS SHOULD HANDLE IT

Every no-show costs time, energy, and sometimes money. While the occasional comical excuse is harmless, chronic absences require strategy.

Here’s how to handle it with grace:

• Stay calm and curious. Instead of reacting, ask: “Tell me more—what happened that made it hard to attend?”
  
  
• Avoid shaming. Humiliation rarely improves behavior. Compassion and clarity do.
  
  
• Educate on importance. Explain how missed appointments delay diagnoses, impact other patients’ access, and risk health deterioration.
  
  
• Document everything. If a patient’s absence pattern affects care, note it clearly and escalate only when necessary.
  
  
• Share the laugh—privately. It’s okay to chuckle later with your team about the patient who claimed a squirrel stole their car keys.

5. WHAT MISSED APPOINTMENTS REVEAL ABOUT THE DOCTOR-PATIENT RELATIONSHIP

Sometimes, the funniest excuse hides a real problem. Consider:

• A patient who says, “I got abducted by aliens,” might be struggling with a psychotic episode or substance abuse.
  
  
• A young adult who says, “I overslept because I was gaming all night,” might be battling depression.
  
  
• A patient who blames “my chakras being out of balance” could be afraid of traditional medicine and seeking more holistic guidance.

Beneath the humor, there’s often a hidden unmet need—be it mental, emotional, or educational. These moments are opportunities to build trust.

6. HUMOR IN MEDICINE: WHY IT’S ESSENTIAL

Medical practice is serious—but it doesn’t have to be humorless.

Laughter in clinical settings has been shown to:

• Reduce stress for both patients and physicians
  
  
• Enhance memory and learning in medical teams
  
  
• Improve doctor-patient rapport
  
  
• Defuse tension during difficult conversations

By embracing the occasional ridiculous excuse, doctors create an atmosphere that’s more human, forgiving, and relatable.

7. WHEN THE EXCUSE IS TOO FUNNY TO IGNORE

Sometimes, the excuse is so wild you can't help but laugh—and share it (anonymously) with colleagues. Many medical forums and doctor discussion groups are filled with “best excuse” threads. A few more gems:

• “I couldn’t come because I accidentally locked myself in my bathroom… with my pet snake.”
  
  
• “My emotional support goat got loose and ran into traffic.”
  
  
• “The aliens said I shouldn’t go.”
  
  
• “I wasn’t feeling well, so I stayed home and Googled what you were probably going to say.”

While these might sound like urban myths, most doctors will tell you—they’re real.

8. TURNING A MISSED APPOINTMENT INTO A TEACHING MOMENT

If a patient returns after a no-show with a humorous excuse, use it to:

• Break the ice and strengthen the therapeutic alliance
  
  
• Clarify boundaries on appointment timing and communication
  
  
• Explore underlying reasons without confrontation
  
  
• Reinforce the importance of consistent care

The goal is to restore continuity, not penalize eccentricity.

9. WHEN FUNNY BECOMES PROBLEMATIC

Of course, not every excuse is acceptable—some may cross into dangerous or unethical territory:

• Repeated lying about emergencies
  
  
• Blaming healthcare staff or making up accusations
  
  
• Using humor to avoid serious follow-up

In these cases, a firm but respectful boundary must be drawn. Document the behavior, discuss with the team, and consider setting clear expectations or even dismissal from the clinic for repeated abuse of appointment systems.

10. A FINAL THOUGHT: HUMOR IS HUMAN

As physicians, we often wear our seriousness like armor. But our patients? They bring their whole selves—flawed, funny, forgetful, and sometimes fantastical.

A missed appointment may be inconvenient, but the stories behind them are sometimes the reminder we need:
Medicine is as much about managing people as it is about managing pathology. And people, as it turns out, are gloriously unpredictable.

So the next time a patient says they missed their appointment because they were stuck in a tree trying to rescue their cat, smile. You just got handed a little bit of laughter in the middle of your long clinical day.