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The Man Who Learned He Could Suck Water Up Into His Anus And Turned It Into A Career

Discussion in 'Hospital' started by The Good Doctor, Aug 7, 2021.

  1. The Good Doctor

    The Good Doctor Golden Member

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    In Spider-Man, a young Peter Parker is given superpowers by a radioactive spider bite and decides to fight crime. In Daredevil, a young Matt Murdock gets covered in radioactive material and develops supersonic senses, also deciding to fight crime. In 19th century France, a young Joseph Pujol was taking a swim when he realized he could inhale vast volumes of water through his anus, eventually deciding to turn it into a hit stage show at the Moulin Rouge under the name Le Pétomane (the Fartomaniac).

    Pujol, born in 1857, was on holiday when he discovered his superpower. Still in school at the age of 10 (which turned out to be a complete waste of time, given his eventual career), he was holding his breath underwater when he felt the strange, cold sensation of a large volume of ocean water shooting up into his rectum. When he understandably fled the water, he noticed the liquid leaking out.

    The boy mentioned the incident to his family doctor, who laughed and dismissed his gift, telling him it was nothing to be concerned about rather than contact The Avengers.

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    For a time, Joseph forgot his skill. Years later, however, after recounting the anecdote to his friends in the French army, he decided to try it once more. With his friends gathered around, presumably resigned to the fact that the dinner party didn't quite have the original classy tone they had intended, Pujol placed his anus below the surface of some water and sucked hard.

    Amazingly, he could still do it. With further training, he discovered he could suck up about two liters of water, and roughly the same volume of air, in one go by bending over and covering his nose and mouth, then contracting his diaphragm. This increased the volume of his abdomen and pulled in air, much in the same way your lungs do. A few training montages later, he could also vary the volume and pitch of his farts, do impressions of other people's farts, play the flute from behind, and blow smoke rings out of his anus and mouth at the same time.

    His farts were also apparently odourless, perhaps due to Pujol giving himself five enemas a day. A 2013 paper in the journal French Cultural Studies explained: "The air he expelled and used his sphincter muscles to make vibrate, much as we do with our vocal chords when we speak and sing, was fresh air he had anally ‘breathed in’."

    Naturally, his eyes lit up with dollar signs, and he decided to take this show on the road.

    Before long, he secured an audition at the Moulin Rouge, where he nervously sucked up water and cleaned out his money maker before playing tunes to the owner, who hired him immediately.


    You may picture Paris as a pretty sophisticated place, but people went absolutely crazy for a man on stage squeaking out La Marseillaise from his butthole. He became the highest-paid performer in the whole of France, and for a time things were good. But then, he threw it all away by doing something the Moulin Rouge could not tolerate: passing gas on his own time.

    Joseph attempted to drum up business for his friend's gingerbread stand by farting tunes to draw in the crowds, which the club saw as a breach of contract. Essentially, they argued that he was only allowed to pass gas within the confines of the club. The legal disputes led to the end of his performances at the Moulin Rouge, and he set up his own club, where he didn't earn quite as much.

    He was replaced by the Moulin Rouge with another fart act, la Femme-Pétomane, who was later revealed to have merely been pretending to fart using a set of bellows concealed under her skirt.

    Pujol made a living for decades with his act – before WWI put a stop to things. After the war, his act had gone out of fashion, with some suggesting that that could have been because people viewed gas comedy as in poor taste following extensive war gassings – though it could also be that humor had moved on from a man violently farting out show tunes.

    Though we would love to tell you more about how he was physically able to fart like this – did he possess unique physiology, or can we all unlock this talent? – we are unable to do so. Upon his death in 1945, his family refused to let doctors have a poke around in there to see what was going on.

    “There are some things in this life which simply must be treated with reverence,” one of his sons remarked.

    His secret, like a fart dissipating in front of a packed audience, may be lost forever.

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