YOU'VE READ THE STORIES – or at least the headlines – before: "Gain Control of Emotional Eating." "How to Stop Emotional Eating." "Conquer Emotional Eating." In so many words, we're constantly told that emotional eating – or eating to to soothe, suppress or distract from negative or positive emotions including stress, boredom, sadness, anger, excitement or happiness – is a problem and in order to be healthy, lose weight or have a good relationship with food, we need to stop doing it. But I'm here to tell you that's all plain wrong. Consider this: Eating is emotional. Food is not just nutrition and fuel for our bodies; it is part of our history, our culture, our family. Food is something that is meant to be enjoyed for the taste and pleasure it brings us, not for the vitamins, minerals or fiber it provides. Cooking, baking and eating are all ways in which we connect with others and care for ourselves and for the people we love. Emotional eating is vilified, but what's the alternative – emotionless eating? One common argument against emotional eating is that eating in response to emotions doesn't allow you to actually deal with whatever caused the emotion to begin with. And while that's a fair point in certain cases, it overlooks the importance of coping mechanisms, or the essential activities and strategies that people use to deal with and process their emotions. Positive coping mechanisms can include physical activity, sleep, reading, writing, drawing, getting outdoors, spending time with friends, doing chores and yes, eating. Food has an impact on the way we feel, which means it is a totally natural thing to use as a coping mechanism. And I'm not just talking about healthy foods here, but any food that helps you feel better. My go-to emotional eating foods are chocolate chip cookies and chocolate peanut butter cups (which are even better when paired with a glass of red wine). Negative coping mechanisms, on the other hand, can include drug or excessive alcohol use. Dieting, too, is a negative coping mechanism, but an all too common one because we are told that making our bodies smaller will lead to happiness, success, love and acceptance. In reality, dieting and restricting food does the opposite: It strips all the pleasure away from food and makes us unhappy. Even if you aren't convinced that emotional eating isn't so bad, trying to stop it is a fool's errand that only makes you feel worse. Think about it: If anytime you eat for reasons other than physical hunger you end up feeling guilty and ashamed, isn't that worse for your body than the eating itself? Shame creates a stress response and causes physical side effects that can affect your digestion and sleep, increase inflammation, lead to infections and more. Plus, you'll likely stay trapped in the vicious emotional eating cycle: You feel guilty and ashamed for emotional eating, so you continue to emotionally eat. Wouldn't it be better to accept emotional eating for what it is – a coping mechanism – and move on once it's served its purpose? All that said, emotional eating can be a problem if eating is your only coping mechanism or if you are constantly using food to numb yourself from feeling and processing your emotions. If you find that you are emotionally eating more often than, say, calling a friend, getting a good night's sleep or going for a walk to process feelings, try these tips instead: 1. Cultivate multiple coping skills. When you have no other coping skills outside of food, you don't feel empowered to make a choice, and emotional eating can become a crutch. Hence the importance of developing several different coping skills that you can call upon during times of stress, boredom, anger, anxiety or other emotions. Coping mechanisms can fall into several buckets including connection, action, soothing or pleasure. For example, my coping skills include: Connection: Calling my mom, going out to dinner with a friend or talking to my niece and nephew on FaceTime. Action: Going for a walk, lifting weights, taking a yoga class, having a good cry or doing my laundry (yes – chores count!). Soothing: Listening to music, watching "Sex and the City," sitting in the park or reading a book. Pleasure: The aforementioned chocolate chip cookies and peanut butter cups, ice cream on a hot day, a glass of wine, a latte from my favorite coffee shop or wearing my favorite comfy sweater. Make a list of several different coping skills that you can call upon when needed. The skill you use may vary depending on the situation, and it will take some trial and error to figure out which work best for you. 2. Be intentional when emotionally eating. When food is used to numb or avoid a feeling, eating becomes mindless, without enjoyment. This makes it an ineffective coping skill and won't help you feel any better. Instead, slow down and pay attention. Make eating an active choice. Think about what food will make you feel better at that moment. Use all your senses to smell, taste and savor that food. This will help you use food and the act of eating in a positive way to feel better, without a side of guilt. Source
