Top 12 Most Inappropriate Kids Candy That Can Ruin Their Childhood

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To a child, candy is almost a purpose in itself for living. That and the complete obliviousness for the world's vast complications and myriad depression-inducers. In this Candyland, a child will eat candy till he pukes, binging because unrelenting pleasure doses seems to be simply all there is. A concoction of sugar, food coloring, carnuba wax, and perhaps any arrangement of chocolate, caramel, and nugat, it doesn't matter what shape these blissfully cloistering substances take for a person just taking his underdeveloped taste buds out for a joy ride. For those who produce it, or note from a more mature standpoint, the packaging comes with a chocolate fountain of implications and underlying meaning that amounts to no more than "I want that" to an easily influenced kid, professional candy-eater. Here's a look at some of the more suggestive and awkward ways candy is packaged, ways that have no business in playgrounds and lunchboxes, if at least for the fact that candy should not represent anything other than itself. The fact is candy exists in a place of feeling and impulse, in simple puerility, in Candyland. L

Tower of Sour Liquid Candy Urine Samples



Granted this is a gag gift aimed obviously at childish adults, this goes to new lengths in gross territory. Not to mention the subtexts of what kind of urine is contained in a urine sample, be it that of a paroled drug-abuser, a testable (not testicle) disease, or hyperglycemic sugar count. The latter is guaranteed upon consumption. But a sour viscous liquid is a gross description of urine in any case and drinking it should be counted as a crime against humanity even if only by way of symbolic gesture. Side note: there might be more meaning to be taken from the fact that this sugar-pee comes in a variety of "flavors."

Box of Boogers



Now we know kids like to eat their boogers, but this is just cruel. It's like an endorsement to carry on with wretched, loathsome habits as yuckiness is made novel and to be associated with sweet delicacies. Let's just hope fecal matter isn't given the same treatment. Obviously candy doesn't teach lessons, but who wants to be repulsed and satisfied at the same time?



Gummy Boo Boos





There's nothing quite as appetizing as a bloody, scabby band-aid, and this candy captures the best part of falling on your bicycle: eating the contents of your wound. Another addition to the menagerie of products aimed at combining gross-factor and sweet edibility, this one seems to be extra gross as there's no mistaking the shape of a bandage and memories of bottom-of-public-swimming-pool-remnants as it enters your mouth. Sweet!


Mill Farm's Gummi Lighthouses



Phallic suggestiveness is nothing new in the gummy genus of the candy kingdom, but this "lighthouse"-shaped gummy candy takes that phallus to grand obvious heights. It should be no surprise that when a candy pays very crude attention to aesthetic detail that the overambiguosity of a design is going to evoke a less than faithful interpretation. And the immature mind only asks for a chance to cry "it's a penis!" Popular runner-up: Hanna Montana "Concert Candy."''


Sour Flush Toilet Candy



This candy can be most effectively described as "Fun Dip meets a dirty toilet." The toilet contains an edible sugar powder, fittingly resembling Ajax in a way, while a plunger-shaped lolipop (two in fact), make for a proper adhesive to the powder when licked. The meta-message is that this item, as a food-type, is sheer edible crap, of no nutritional value, and to be excreted just as it is consumed: from the inside of a sticky toilet bowl.

Toxic Waste



More than just modeling itself after a real environental problem in a light-hearted, "written-off" edible form, this candy was apparently recalled for literally being a toxic hazard (apparently for containing an unacceptable amount of lead...any?). What dramatic irony. Even more, this problem is hardly a fantastic or cartoony concept when Japan is facing more and more radiation exposure due to post-earthquake/tsunami nuclear power plant meltdowns. If not recalled for a messed-up health risk in and of itself (mixing standard candy ingredients with straight-up poison), this product would be entirely innapropriate presently, taking a nosedive in sales figures for the suggestivenss of such a needless gimmick alone.


Candy Cigarettes



This candy speaks for itself for why it is innapropriate for kids, with regards to subliminal-blatent advertising, but it has been around seemingly as long as cigarettes have. After all, the packaging seems to be modeled after brands of unfiltered cigarettes decades since in production. Back when cigarettes were considered healthy and lacked the proverbial skull-and-crossbones labelling. It's almost like a starter kit for children, to get them used to the idea of holding these conveniently-shaped finger-cyllinders. And their sweet, sugary flavor is almost heavenly as it melts in your mouth. Hmm, I wonder if real cigarettes are this good? Available in both smoke-simulating, powder sugar-loaded gum and crunchy-stick form


White Chocolate Maggots Candy



Mm, maggots. Who hasn’t thought to themselves how tasty a white chocolate maggot may be. The White Chocolate Maggots Candy are probably better than the real thing, but the idea of eating a maggot, even in candy form, is horrible.


Camel Balls Candy



Camel Balls Candy is, oddly enough, shaped like a camel’s ball sack. These round treats are filled with extra-sour liquid. What child wouldn’t want to purchase these gum balls?


Ear Wax Candy



Ear Wax Candy featured a plastic, colored ear-shaped container, plus a little clear plastic pick to grab the candy from inside. The interior candy was grossly colored and looked just like real ear wax


Fart Candy



Fart Candy makes you fart, obviously. Farting is said to be harmless, but eat enough of the candy and you may find yourself with some problems down under. The CEO of this candy is probably rich.


Spermies Candy



Spermies Candy is something everyone has to swallow, sadly enough. They look more like worms than anything else, but they are still incredibly nasty. Not even a drunk woman at a bachelorette party wants to suck these down.