Understanding Theta-ism This is a term used by many medical students in Pakistan to refer to a special type of nerd. One who eats, sleeps and (according to some legends) goes to toilet with a book in hand. I personally sense some exaggeration in this but they are defined as such. Although this book-wormish impression is considered very respectable in the non-med community but it is generally considered a taboo in medical community. Very soon after you get admission in a medical school you realise that theta is the last thing you want to be called in your class. If you are one you are BUSTED. But if you are not but end up in befriending one, you are practically RUINED because theta-ism is highly contagious. Very soon you will be using anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, anti-diarrheals and will turn into an anti-social. Contracting theta-ism is as unfortunate as contracting nosocomial pneumonia after a visit to a doctor for sore throat, only difference is that the former condition is chronic and somewhat terminal. After the end of five years you are called position holder, distinction holder, and worst of all a THETA. Thetas are classified into two types based on their response to the title: Ones who give a damn about what people say and proudly accept the label. Others who hate being called a Theta so they keep on thrusting the title on anyone nearby whenever they sense that they are about to be called one. Lately there has been some confusion regarding the true meaning and characteristics of a theta. This led to massive stigmatising of many innocent students. To avoid such incidents in future, Association of Non-Theta Students(ANTS) developed an inventory which is commonly referred to as Thetameter. Anyone who suspects him/herself to be infected can check their theta status with this simple inventory. Inventory to Check Theta Status (ICTuS) Give each question a number using the key below: Always 5 Often 4 Once in a while 3 Never 2 1) I study whatever is taught in class regularly ( ) 2) I am sleep deprived because of studying ( ) 3) I answer every question in class ( ) 4) I cry or make a fuss when I skip the lectures ( ) 5) I bag top ten positions in evaluation tests or exams ( ) 6) I hit or scowl at anyone who disturbs me during lecture ( ) 7) I try to ask question when the teacher is about to leave ( ) 8) I am not contented with my marks ( ) 9) I volunteer whenever teacher calls for "Any Volunteer" ( ) 10) I don't let anybody know how much I study ( ) If you scored 50-40: You lie in Status C group and you need immediate help my friend. There are many Theta support groups which may help you out but they do not ensure complete recovery for Status C. If you scored 39-29: You lie in Status B group and you are dangling in a dangerous zone. Our advice to you is to immediately BACK OFF. If you scored 28-20: You lie in Status A group. You are perfectly healthy. Just avoid Theta company to keep enjoying your status
