What Is The Most Ridiculous Thing A Patient Has Ever Said Or Done In A Doctor’s Office?

This question was originally posted on Quora.com and was answered by Kurt Van den Broeck, Fleming, Belgian or European depending on the subject



“I hope you did too.”

I’m not sure if it counts as ridiculous.

Here is the story.

I have 4 kids, 4 boys. My wife always wanted 4 which was a bit scary for me. So I always responded:” Lets start with one, shall we!”

Our first was born in 1999. Our youngest in 2005.

So I guess my wife convinced me over the years.

People sometimes ask. Did you ever consider for a 5th? My answer to that question is always the same: “How many kids do you have? Two? Did you ever discussed with your wife/husband to go for another one? Yes? That’s quite normal you know regardless of the number. So yes we also discussed this subject, but we decided that we have done our fair share to prevent the ageing population of Belgium so we stopped at 4.

A few years ago my wife had the typical birth control discussion. She wanted to know why she needs to do all the ‘work’ and take the pill.

So yes she wanted me to have a vasectomy.

I was not particular in favor of the idea but she can be convincing. (Hey I love her so that is not necessarily a bad thing.)

I choose for a local anesthesia. It’s been more than 5 years ago so I do not remember all the details, but I can tell you some.

E.g. it is not so easy for a man if a nurse is shaving your private parts. You are trying to act casual, but it is not.

The operation itself takes maybe 15 minutes max.

They give you a local anesthesia which stings like hell. (Luckily there is a screen so you have no idea what they are doing.)

They use a scalpel to open up your scrotum, which I felt, but was not as bad as the syringe.

Subsequently the surgeon explained that the next step was to seal the vas deferens. He uses electrocautery to do so.

And then the nurse kicks in. She asked me if I was planning a vacation for the summer holiday.

Please!

Can someone tell the nurses that I know why they ask you these type of questions.

They just want to distract you. It is so obvious.

Anyhow cauterize an ejaculatory duct is NOT painless. (I do not want to know what it would be without the anesthesia!)

They say that you need to hold still, but that’s easier said than done.

Next step. Sewing/stitching. Actually that was OK. I felt something, but not nearly as painful as the searing.

You think it would be over now. Well think again: we have two testicles you know. So the whole thing starts again, but now worse, since you know what is coming.

Anyhow after the surgeon finished the process on my second testes. He said: “Ok Mr. Van den Broeck, we are finished. You did well!”

My response to the doctor was:

“I hope you did too!”

The doctor laughed out loud, so did the nurse.


And this question was also answered by Robert Berg, 25 years a gynecologist

I’ve heard lots of ridiculous things. One of my favorites follows.

Me: OK, Mrs. Jones, everything looks fine.

Patient: Thank you doctor. I have a question.

Me: OK, shoot.

Patient: Do gay men see gynecologists?

Me: Uhhhhh, no. Gynecologists only see women. Gay men aren’t women.

Patient: Well, they think they’re women, don’t they?

Okeedokee honeybun. Time to go home now…..

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