What Secret Sides Of Human Nature Do Therapists See That Non-Therapists Would Be Surprised About?

This question was originally posted on Quora.com and was answered by Iva Izabela Miholic, a Psychotherapist.


I’ve had many people sit in front of me in therapy.

They come inside, wearing their coats, hats, bags, sunglasses. They take these off, but there are many other things that they wear, and have a harder time taking off.

After a while, when we make a connection, and they realize they are in a safe place, devoid of judgement, expectations or assessment, they start taking off these other garments:

Their masks

Their shields

Their weapons

Their ideas about what they are supposed to be

Sometimes it takes many sessions, sometimes only a few, but after a while, I see a raw, vulnerable, incredibly beautiful person in front of me.

Devoid of their cover-ups, people are amazingly beautiful.

As we walk the path of our lives, we collect so much stuff along the way.

Some of it is trash, debris, ideas about us and the world, that are thrown at us by society and the people surrounding us. We collect fears, doubts and insecurities. We gather attitudes and patterns, some of which are helpful to us, but many that are destructive and harmful, and we don’t quite know how to get rid of them. We also collect treasures, things so valuable that we measure all else according to them.

We are made up of our dreams, failures, memories, wounds and successes. We’ve all arrived to this very moment of our lives by going through experiences that built us into who we are.

When we strip all of this stuff off, press a pause to the continuous track of our cover-ups and armor, we get to exist as our authentic selves. It can be liberating, but also quite scary. Just as we learned to live a life guarded by our masks and defenses, so it can take a while to learn to live a life in which we are more true to ourselves, and more capable of hearing our real needs, desires and values.

As a therapist, I get to see people in this deeply fragile and beautiful form, and I get to witness moments when they meet themselves, sometimes after a long time - sometimes even for the first time in their lives.

We are all fellow travelers on this hard and magnificent path of life. As we stand in front of each other, we are armed with masks, shields and weapons, because we learned that we need them to feel safe and acceptable in this world.

The truth is that every single one of us is fragile, made of hopes, dreams, yearnings and a raw beating heart. We are all hoping to fit in and be accepted and loved for who we are.



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