Question What should I do if a resident or attending asks me out on a date? Response From the Expert Response from Megan L. Fix, MD Chief Resident, Harvard Affiliated Emergency Medicine Residency, Harvard Medical School, Boston, Massachusetts; Chief Resident, Brigham and Women's Hospital/Massachusetts General Hospital, Boston, Massachusetts My first piece of advice would be to stop and think whether this is something that you really want to do. Do you like this person? Do you feel pressured by this person? Do you believe that your grade is at stake? Do you feel uncomfortable? If you feel uncomfortable, listen to those feelings and act on them. In most cases, the right thing and safe thing to do is to say "no" and to avoid these situations. The inherent conflict of interest between attending and student is dangerous. It can affect your grade, your medical career, or your research. You can say "no" without being mean and without jeopardizing your career. There are actually written policies on relationships between those in unequal positions. These policies strongly discourage teacher-student relationships, and in some cases mandate that the student-teacher part of the relationship be abolished if the pair continues to see each other. I encourage you to review your school's policy (a good place to start is the ombuds office or Web site) if you are considering such a relationship. Here is an excerpt from the Stanford School of Medicine, Stanford, California, Sexual Harassment Policy: [T]he University believes that a sexual or romantic relationship between a teacher and a student, even where consensual and whether or not the student would otherwise be subject to supervision or evaluation by the teacher, is inconsistent with the proper role of the teacher, and should be avoided. The University therefore very strongly discourages such relationships. If you decide to say "no," the next question is how? You should be firm but kind, because in many situations this is someone who you work closely with and will likely see again. The last thing you want to do is anger this person. In my experience, the best way is the direct and honest way. Avoid beating around the bush to avoid opportunities for them to ask again. For example, if you say, "I'd love to, but I can't tonight because I have to study," then they are open to asking you out another night, and the next thing you know you are scurrying through the halls trying to avoid them. A better example is, "I'm flattered by the offer; however, I'm going to have to say no because I believe that it isn't right for attendings (or residents) to be dating students." This way, you are propping them up (you are flattered); you are giving a definite no; and you are telling them why and putting them in their place. (They should know that it is wrong to be dating students.) On the other hand, you may indeed want to date this person. My advice in this situation is to wait to do anything until after your have finished your rotation. You may find that your infatuation fades, or you may find that you still want to date them. If you do end up dating them, make sure that both of you understand your university policies to avoid any trouble. It's best to contact your own school's ombudsperson, but these Web sites may also be helpful: Harvard Medical School Ombuds Office: http://www.hms.harvard.edu/ombuds/a_overview.htm Stanford School of Medicine Ombuds Office: http://harass.stanford.edu/cons_rel_about.html Source
