This genetic counselor helps people cope with family surprises Itstarted as an innocent search. Lynn Scott’s husband was adopted at birth, and after he passed away, she wanted to help their son find his paternal biological grandparents. So Scott and her son spit into test tubes and shipped them off to FamilyTreeDNA. A match with a second cousin eventually led them to her son’s paternal grandfather and a half-aunt. However, several other matches popped up that weren’t from her husband’s side, but Scott didn’t recognize them from her family either. “I thought, ‘I know all my second cousins, and I don’t know who these people are,’” she says. “I started putting together bits and pieces and realized there was something I was missing.” Scott’s brother had tested his DNA separately through AncestryDNA, so the family compared their results to figure out what was going on. They discovered that Scott and her brother were actually half-siblings. It turns out that the man who raised Scott — who passed away in 2003 — was not her biological father. Finding out she wasn’t genetically related to her father was heartbreaking, she says. “It felt like I lost him all over again.” More DNA sleuthing led Scott to the man she believes to be her biological father — a former co-worker of her mother’s — although her mother denies it. That man passed away in 1999, so Scott never got the chance to meet him, but she has connected with his grandchildren and she hopes to meet a half-brother soon. Scott has begun to accept her new family tree, but at the outset she really struggled with the results. “I felt so alone when I first found out,” she says. “Who do you talk to about this? Is there anybody out there who’s going through the same thing?” An internet search revealed there was. Scott came across an online support group run by Brianne Kirkpatrick, a genetic counselor who specializes in unexpected family discoveries from at-home DNA tests. “It was very comforting to know I was not alone and to hear how other people were coming to terms with this,” she says. Brianne Kirkpatrick, who began working as a genetic counselor in 2005, got into genetic genealogy out of a personal interest. But as she gained experience exploring her own family tree, other genealogists started to reach out to her with difficult cases that required a counselor’s expertise and finesse. She launched her private practice, Watershed DNA in 2016, to help people understand and process surprise results. “More and more people are discovering that their parents are not who they thought they were.” Oftentimes these discoveries come in the form of a “non-expected parental event,” or NPE. This could be a child who was adopted and didn’t know it, or a situation like Scott’s where a parent — typically the dad — isn’t the biological father because of an infidelity or a secret sperm donor. In other cases, the discovery is an unknown half-sibling. As more and more people get their DNA tested and add themselves to genealogy databases, these surprises are becoming increasingly common. Kirkpatrick estimates that 5 to 10% of DNA tests reveal a surprise within someone’s immediate family. “More and more people are discovering that their parents are not who they thought they were,” Kirkpatrick says. Some people need counseling that’s more akin to therapy to help them adjust to the shocking information. In those cases, Kirkpatrick acts as a crisis counselor, helping them find support through Facebook groups or a dedicated family and marriage counselor. Other people require more technical expertise to help unpack confusing test results. One client of Kirkpatrick’s had a match that suggested a surprise half-sister. If true, the match indicated the client’s father had an affair — a thought that was understandably upsetting. However, the mystery woman also showed up as a half-sibling to the client’s first cousin. Kirkpatrick knew that only one of those matches could be true, so she did a little investigating and discovered that the woman was actually the client’s first cousin, but they happened to share a higher than average amount of DNA for first cousins, which confused the database. This meant the client’s father was in the clear, although her cousin’s father was not. “It was an unusual situation where the company reported the relationship incorrectly. That doesn’t happen very often. In most cases, if they’re going to report a half-sibling it actually ends up being true,” Kirkpatrick says. “If they got it wrong for her, how many other families don’t realize that there’s been a mistake in the relationship estimate?” Some of the larger at-home testing companies are starting to offer their own support options for distressing results. In response to a query about their protocol, AncestryDNA commented: “We take our responsibility towards our customers — and the potential impact of complex discoveries — very seriously. We have a small, dedicated group of highly experienced representatives who speak to customers with more sensitive queries.” Similarly, 23andMe reported: “Our Customer Care team is available 24/7 to help customers better understand their results and guide them to resources, such as links to counseling services in their area, that might be useful. While the Customer Care representatives are not professional therapists, specific training for discussions with customers who receive unexpected results is integrated into the team’s monthslong onboarding program.” Kirkpatrick, however, doesn’t think DNA testing companies are doing enough. “A couple of the companies claim that they’ve trained their staff on how to appropriately handle the calls that they get from people that are confused by their results,” she says. “But having spoken with people who’ve been the ones to reach out to the companies, they’ve said that they do not think the companies are addressing it appropriately.” One would think that dealing with the fallout of lies, infidelities, and family secrets every day would affect Kirkpatrick’s faith in humanity, but she says that her job has actually made her more compassionate and realize how alike people are. “These situations are affecting people of all ethnic groups, of all ages, of all social classes,” she says. “The question is, ‘How can we learn from these situations and do better in the future?’” Kirkpatrick’s goals are to encourage honesty and empathy among family members and to take away the stigma surrounding these types of surprises. For example, just as there has been an evolution in societal attitudes toward adoption and children born outside of marriage, Kirkpatrick believes opinions around donor conception are going the same way. She hopes that one day parents won’t feel the need to hide that type of information from their children. She says, “I’m hoping that we can break down some of the stigma around the way that people come into the world.” Source
Please tell me if someone knows. Just need a way to do it yourself, without calling the pest control. Or is this not possible in principle?
