Why Medical Professionals Must Master the Poker Face

Introduction: Medicine, Meet Comedy

In the realm of medicine, where life-and-death decisions hang in the balance and the stakes are always high, there exists an unsung challenge no medical textbook ever prepared us for: keeping a straight face when patients unintentionally (or sometimes very intentionally) say something hilarious.

You can be elbows-deep in a rectal exam, trying to remember your last HIPAA compliance seminar, and then—boom—your patient says something that makes you want to collapse laughing. But you can’t. You must remain calm. Stoic. Professional.

The struggle is real.

This article is a love letter to all medical professionals who have ever stared at a wall to avoid laughing in a patient’s face. It’s about those moments when humor sneaks into serious situations, and the impossible balancing act of staying composed while navigating the absurdity of human interaction.

The Art of the Poker Face: Why It’s So Important

Let’s start by addressing why we even have to suppress laughter in clinical settings.

1. Professionalism Matters:
   Patients come to us with their vulnerabilities. Even if something they say is unintentionally comedic, our job is to respond with empathy, not amusement.
2. Trust Is Everything:
   Laughter, especially if perceived as ridicule, can shatter the therapeutic relationship. No one wants to feel like the doctor is laughing at them, even if it’s not meant that way.
3. Maintaining Authority:
   It’s hard to feel confident in someone’s medical opinion if they’re giggling like a schoolkid. Keeping a straight face helps preserve the dynamic of trust and authority.
4. Sometimes the Joke Isn’t a Joke:
   What might sound funny could be a linguistic barrier, cognitive disorder, or psychological issue. Laughing without understanding context can be unintentionally cruel.

The Funniest Things Patients Say (That Make It So Hard to Stay Cool)

Ask any doctor, nurse, or med student, and they’ll have stories—oh, the stories. Below are some real-life gems that test our poker faces daily.

1. The “Creative” Anatomy Terms

• “I think I pulled a muscle in my arm pit knuckle.”
• “My pee bone hurts.” (We’re assuming they meant pubic bone?)
• “Doc, I think my butt lungs are acting up again.”

2. Kids Are Comedy Gold

• “Can I have McDonald's after my surgery?” (Coming out of anesthesia)
• “Is the vaccine going to turn me into a lizard?”
• “If I eat vegetables, will I fart green?”

3. Seniors Have No Filter

• “I haven’t pooped in four days. That’s your fault. You cursed me with your face.”
• “Can you make me look like Beyoncé while you’re at it?”
• “He’s not my husband, he’s my roommate who occasionally proposes.”

4. Euphemisms Gone Wild

• “I have a problem with my man parts—you know, the downstairs department.”
• “My back door has been... leaky.”
• “I think my stomach is pregnant with a demon.”

5. Questionable Medical Advice From the Internet

• “I read online that garlic in the ear cures COVID.”
• “So if I drink enough tonic water, I don’t need a flu shot?”
• “I tried essential oils on my rash. Now it’s just a fiery forest of regret.”

Behind the Curtain: What Happens in the Doctor’s Mind

When a patient says something unintentionally funny, three things happen in a doctor’s mind:

1. Immediate reaction – “Wait, did they just say what I think they said?”
2. Suppression mode – Engage facial muscles to remain neutral. Don’t crack.
3. Redirect and recover – Nod, smile gently, pivot back to medical matters.

It’s a delicate, well-practiced art. And the internal dialogue is often more entertaining than what’s spoken aloud:

• “Don’t laugh, don’t laugh, oh my God, think of something sad—think of your student loan debt.”
• “Be serious. Be compassionate. This person thinks they inhaled a spider and it’s living in their lung.”

The Unexpected Value of Humor in the Clinical Setting

Here’s the twist: While the struggle to keep a straight face is real, humor is not the enemy of medicine. In fact, laughter can be a powerful therapeutic tool—when used appropriately.

1. Laughter Reduces Stress

Both for the patient and the provider. Humor releases endorphins, which help people relax—especially before or after stressful procedures.

2. It Humanizes the Interaction

Doctors often get perceived as cold or robotic. Laughing with a patient (not at them) builds rapport and breaks down walls.

3. It Improves Recall

A funny moment can make medical advice more memorable. Patients may better remember a dietary instruction wrapped in light humor than a dry explanation.

4. It Offers Emotional Relief

Healthcare can be intense. A well-timed laugh gives everyone in the room a break from the emotional gravity.

The Ethical Line: When You Really Shouldn’t Laugh

Yes, humor can be healing—but there’s a line we must never cross.

Never laugh when:

• A patient is discussing trauma, even if it’s told in a quirky way.
• Someone has a speech impediment or cognitive delay.
• The humor involves race, religion, or sexuality—even if the patient initiates it.
• The patient is clearly scared or confused.

Your goal is always to support, not to entertain yourself.

Tips for Keeping a Straight Face (When You’re Dying Inside)

1. Master the “Thinking Face”
   Pretend you’re analyzing symptoms when really, you’re suppressing laughter.
2. Stare at a Neutral Object
   Like your clipboard. Or your stethoscope. Or an imaginary medical degree on the wall.
3. Use the Strategic Cough or Mask Adjustment
   COVID masks made this easier—hide the twitching lips and blame a cough.
4. Channel Your Inner Actor
   You’ve seen enough TV doctors. Be one. Stone-faced. Stoic. The “Dr. House” effect.
5. Excuse Yourself if Needed
   If you absolutely must laugh, step out for a second. Better to laugh in the hallway than scar a patient for life.

Shared Struggles: A Rite of Passage in Medicine

Keeping a straight face isn’t just a funny anecdote—it’s a rite of passage. The moment you almost lose it when a patient says something outrageous marks your transition from med student to full-fledged healthcare warrior.

It’s a battle between two very human truths:

• That medicine is sacred.
• And that humans are, inherently, absurd.

How Humor Helps Us Survive

Healthcare is emotionally draining. Between the trauma, the night shifts, the bureaucratic chaos, and the unrelenting pace, sometimes a ridiculous patient comment is the only light in a long day.

You laugh later—not at the patient, but at the beauty of the moment. At the randomness. At the reminder that life, even in its darkest corners, still has room for laughter.

In many ways, those patient moments keep us sane.

Final Thoughts: Laugh With Care, Not At Expense

The next time a patient earnestly tells you their urine smells like “cheesy ghosts” or that their toe has developed a sixth sense, take a breath.

Smile gently.

Honor the sacred space of vulnerability they’ve stepped into.

Then when you’re back in the break room, grab a snack, look at your colleagues, and say, “You will not believe what just happened.”