You Know You Are a Doctor Only When …

Here are some doctor jokes that start with
“You know you are a doctor when …”.

These doctor jokes are funny because they aren’t really doctor jokes at all … they are a slice of life as a doctor. Each comes from the real life experience of real doctors. Please add your own doctor jokes in the comment form at the end of this post


YOU KNOW YOU ARE A DOCTOR …

… when you shout at the TV during medical shows to correct their pronunciation. Then give up correcting and just wince instead.

… when you know some of your patients better than your own family.

… when you beat ALL the Jeopardy contestants on the medical questions.

… when you can watch the slow motion replays during professional football games, determine the nature and extent of the injuries …and are right most of the time in predicting the results of the MRI.

… when people begin disrobing in your local grocery store to show you how well their incisions have healed.

… when people think you really want to see what they blew out of their nose.

… when you’ve had to decide whether eating or going to the bathroom is more important because you don’t have time to do both.

… when you can sleep standing up.

… when you are being charged twice what your neighbor is for a brake job.

… when you are afraid to tell people what you do for a living at school functions.

… when within a few minutes of meeting someone, you ask them to take off their clothes, lie down and let their knees fall apart, and they do so.



… when your friends and family frustrate you with their inability to give an accurate and concise history.

… when you sip your martini with 1940s jazz in the background as a new acquaintance at the party engages you in a warm conversation about his recent change in bowel movements.

… when you enjoy talking about an exploration of the thoracic cavity while eating a juicy steak…and don’t understand why everybody else is upset about the conversation.

… when you realize the thing you find most fascinating about that wonderful blonde at the bar is the size of the veins in her forearm.

… when you see a 70 year old “window shopping” notice her cardiac symptoms … then look for the nearest exit so that when someone says “is there a doctor in the house?” you are not around …. and then feel guilty about walking out of said exit

… when your son tells his teacher that his handwriting is sloppy like his Daddy’s, but is not as sloppy as his Daddy’s

…when your children look at your spouse and say “what is Dad doing home?”

Doctor Jokes Pediatrician style:
You know your a pediatrician when…
…you tell your spouse at a nice restaurant that you’re “going to the potty”
…you still get “boo-boo’s”
… NOTHING smells bad to you anymore

…when one of your child’s first words was “pager”.

… when you wash your hands BEFORE you go to the bathroom.

… when a patient brings in something really disgusting (like a bag of blood stained toilet paper) and your first thought is “I can’t wait to tell this story at lunch”.

… when you are at a restaurant telling a story to your dinner companions and notice they guy at the next table is choking, you get up, perform the Heimlich, dislodge the offending food, pat the guy on the head and go back to your table and NEVER STOP TELLING YOUR STORY!

… when you overhear your 5 y.o. daughter invite the 9 y.o. boy next door to “Play doctor” … then she whips out her own stethoscope … and you don’t bat an eye.

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