20 Hilarious Medical Jokes to Lighten Up Your Day

Having stress in the hospital, would you manage to get 10 minutes break to read these jokes, I promise you will enjoy it:

1. The Waiting Room
   • Patient: "Doctor, I think I'm a pair of curtains!"
   • Doctor: "Pull yourself together!"
2. Diagnosis
   • Patient: "Doctor, I have a serious problem. I can never remember what I just said."
   • Doctor: "When did you first notice this problem?"
   • Patient: "What problem?"
3. Prescription
   • Patient: "Doctor, I swallowed a bone."
   • Doctor: "Are you choking?"
   • Patient: "No, I really did!"
4. Surgery
   • Surgeon: "Nurse, did you get the defibrillator?"
   • Nurse: "No, but I got the batteries!"
5. Anatomy Lesson
   • Doctor: "You have a very rare and extremely contagious disease. We're going to have to put you in isolation and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."
   • Patient: "Will that cure me?"
   • Doctor: "No, but it's the only food that fits under the door."
6. Medical Records
   • Doctor: "I'm afraid your medical test results are back. You’re just plain lazy."
   • Patient: "Can I get a second opinion?"
   • Doctor: "Sure, you're also quite overweight."
7. Emergency Room
   • Doctor: "I have some bad news and some very bad news."
   • Patient: "Well, might as well give me the bad news first."
   • Doctor: "The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live."
   • Patient: "24 HOURS! That's terrible! WHAT could be WORSE?"
   • Doctor: "I've been trying to reach you since yesterday."
8. Dieting
   • Doctor: "I see you're overweight."
   • Patient: "I want a second opinion."
   • Doctor: "Okay, you're also ugly."
9. Family Practice
   • Patient: "Doctor, every time I drink coffee, I get a sharp pain in my eye."
   • Doctor: "Try taking the spoon out of the cup."
10. Mental Health
    • Psychiatrist: "How do you feel about your weight?"
    • Patient: "It’s weighing on my mind."
11. Exercise
    • Patient: "Doctor, you've got to help me! I can't stop my hands from shaking."
    • Doctor: "Do you drink a lot?"
    • Patient: "Not really. I spill most of it."
12. Health Advice
    • Patient: "Doctor, my hair keeps falling out. Have you got anything to keep it in?"
    • Doctor: "Yes, a paper bag."
13. X-Ray
    • Technician: "Doctor, the invisible man is here for his appointment."
    • Doctor: "Tell him I can’t see him right now."
14. Pharmacy
    • Patient: "I accidentally swallowed a bunch of Scrabble tiles. My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster."
15. Follow-Up
    • Patient: "Doctor, I broke my arm in two places."
    • Doctor: "Well, don't go back to those places."
16. Consultation
    • Doctor: "You’re in good health. You’ll live to be 80."
    • Patient: "But I am 80!"
    • Doctor: "See, what did I tell you?"
17. Optometry
    • Patient: "Doctor, I can't see well at night."
    • Optometrist: "Well, you need to wear glasses."
    • Patient: "But I already wear glasses."
    • Optometrist: "Then I recommend keeping the lights on."
18. Neurology
    • Patient: "Doctor, I have a brain cloud!"
    • Doctor: "I think you mean a brain fog. A cloud would be much more serious."
19. Dentistry
    • Dentist: "You need a crown."
    • Patient: "Finally, someone who understands me."
20. General Practice
    • Patient: "Doctor, I've become invisible."
    • Doctor: "I'm afraid I can't see you right now."