centered image

centered image

20 Hilarious Medical Jokes to Lighten Up Your Day

Discussion in 'Doctors Cafe' started by Egyptian Doctor, May 20, 2024.

  1. Egyptian Doctor

    Egyptian Doctor Moderator Verified Doctor

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2011
    Messages:
    10,111
    Likes Received:
    3,327
    Trophy Points:
    16,075
    Gender:
    Male
    Practicing medicine in:
    Egypt

    Having stress in the hospital, would you manage to get 10 minutes break to read these jokes, I promise you will enjoy it:

    1. The Waiting Room
      • Patient: "Doctor, I think I'm a pair of curtains!"
      • Doctor: "Pull yourself together!"
    2. Diagnosis
      • Patient: "Doctor, I have a serious problem. I can never remember what I just said."
      • Doctor: "When did you first notice this problem?"
      • Patient: "What problem?"
    3. Prescription
      • Patient: "Doctor, I swallowed a bone."
      • Doctor: "Are you choking?"
      • Patient: "No, I really did!"
    4. Surgery
      • Surgeon: "Nurse, did you get the defibrillator?"
      • Nurse: "No, but I got the batteries!"
    5. Anatomy Lesson
      • Doctor: "You have a very rare and extremely contagious disease. We're going to have to put you in isolation and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."
      • Patient: "Will that cure me?"
      • Doctor: "No, but it's the only food that fits under the door."
    6. Medical Records
      • Doctor: "I'm afraid your medical test results are back. You’re just plain lazy."
      • Patient: "Can I get a second opinion?"
      • Doctor: "Sure, you're also quite overweight."
    7. Emergency Room
      • Doctor: "I have some bad news and some very bad news."
      • Patient: "Well, might as well give me the bad news first."
      • Doctor: "The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live."
      • Patient: "24 HOURS! That's terrible! WHAT could be WORSE?"
      • Doctor: "I've been trying to reach you since yesterday."
    8. Dieting
      • Doctor: "I see you're overweight."
      • Patient: "I want a second opinion."
      • Doctor: "Okay, you're also ugly."
    9. Family Practice
      • Patient: "Doctor, every time I drink coffee, I get a sharp pain in my eye."
      • Doctor: "Try taking the spoon out of the cup."
    10. Mental Health
      • Psychiatrist: "How do you feel about your weight?"
      • Patient: "It’s weighing on my mind."
    11. Exercise
      • Patient: "Doctor, you've got to help me! I can't stop my hands from shaking."
      • Doctor: "Do you drink a lot?"
      • Patient: "Not really. I spill most of it."
    12. Health Advice
      • Patient: "Doctor, my hair keeps falling out. Have you got anything to keep it in?"
      • Doctor: "Yes, a paper bag."
    13. X-Ray
      • Technician: "Doctor, the invisible man is here for his appointment."
      • Doctor: "Tell him I can’t see him right now."
    14. Pharmacy
      • Patient: "I accidentally swallowed a bunch of Scrabble tiles. My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster."
    15. Follow-Up
      • Patient: "Doctor, I broke my arm in two places."
      • Doctor: "Well, don't go back to those places."
    16. Consultation
      • Doctor: "You’re in good health. You’ll live to be 80."
      • Patient: "But I am 80!"
      • Doctor: "See, what did I tell you?"
    17. Optometry
      • Patient: "Doctor, I can't see well at night."
      • Optometrist: "Well, you need to wear glasses."
      • Patient: "But I already wear glasses."
      • Optometrist: "Then I recommend keeping the lights on."
    18. Neurology
      • Patient: "Doctor, I have a brain cloud!"
      • Doctor: "I think you mean a brain fog. A cloud would be much more serious."
    19. Dentistry
      • Dentist: "You need a crown."
      • Patient: "Finally, someone who understands me."
    20. General Practice
      • Patient: "Doctor, I've become invisible."
      • Doctor: "I'm afraid I can't see you right now."
    medical jokes.png
     

    Add Reply
    Last edited: May 26, 2024

Share This Page

<