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Doctors Share The Funniest Things They've Heard A Patient Say Under Anesthesia

Discussion in 'Anesthesia' started by Hadeel Abdelkariem, Oct 16, 2018.

  1. Hadeel Abdelkariem

    Hadeel Abdelkariem Golden Member

    Apr 1, 2018
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    Practicing medicine in:

    It could be nonsense, or it could be gold. Anesthesia inhibits all the senses, including your so-called "filter," so you never know what may just slip out...

    Some doctors and nurses have heard very funny things while working on their patients. u/makyael asked them:


    Doctors and nurses of Reddit, What is the funniest thing you've heard when a patient was on anesthesia but you couldn't laugh?


    Here were some of the best answers.

    Because I Got High

    When sending my patient to sleep, we were giving the drugs via the IV he said "you'll have to give me lots of that stuff" (referring to the drugs). Worried I said "why?" Thinking he an undisclosed allergy or condition we hadn't known about, instead he said as he fell asleep "because I smoke weeeeeeeeeeed". Difficult to keep a straight face!

    Got Lost In This Game

    I have epilepsy and we have a fugue state after our seizures where we're confused and loopy but it's also blacked out in our heads so I don't remember this at all.

    Apparently, in the ambulance after the seizure I was singing Britney Spears "Oops I did it again" in reference to seizing again. The EMT's found it so funny that they made sure to tell me about it once I was in the hospital and awake enough to remember.

    Then a few weeks later I got a package with a Britney Spears CD in it and a post it note saying "Seize the moment. But seriously, take your medicine."

    ANY, Mom.

    I have type 1 diabetes, so any time I'm anesthetized, a lot of concern is directed at low blood sugar. My wisdom teeth surgery was done as the first of the day (to avoid fasting as much as possible) and after I woke up, they made me drink a glass of juice. I chugged it and then raised both my fists in the air and said loudly "I didn't spill ANY."

    I'm still pretty proud of that, numb mouth, half out of it and with fewer teeth than normal? That's skill.

    I was also sure my anesthesia wasn't actually working the first time I went under. They pushed it into my arm, I hung out for a few, and then looked at the nurse and said "I don't think it worked, I don't feel any different," but she just kind of glanced at me and they wheeled me off anyway. I objected once more and then concluded I was just going in dry and shouted "Alright fine BRING IT ON". And then suddenly I was wearing gauze underpants in a different room and a nice nurse handed me a ginger ale and asked me to rate my pain on a scale of 1-10.

    This is what I remember.

    According to all witnesses what actually happened following the drug push was as follows: I lolled my head towards the nurse, struggled to focus, said "Uh duh finkus wording", she patted my hand and told me I would be fine, I grunted a bit when they took away my stuffed lion (may or may not have been drooling at this point), and then I just let out a strange whoop-holler and went out like a light.

    Comparisons And List

    Peds ED doc here. We do tons of sedations and ketamine is our drug of choice. I usually warn parents/family about the side effects and I've never had anyone truly get mad when their kid said something under the influence. Some swearing, some very intense discussions about Pokemon, etc. It's pretty common. But my two favorites?

    I had a teenager who was with his mom and his girlfriend. He kept going on and on about how sexy his girlfriend was. To her complete humiliation and his mom's utter amusement. I walked in and he said, "Doc, you are SO SEXY!! But, no offense, my girlfriend is MUCH SEXIER!" Thanks, dude!

    Then there was a pre-teen boy who dreamed he went to another country (I tell kids they can pick the dreams and it usually works). I ask him if he went and he nodded in awe. Asked what he like best and he said, still awestruck, "The women! Their boobies were SO BIG!" (Complete with hands cupped in front of his chest). His dad laughed so hard he fell to the floor.

    Be Prepared For Secrets

    Nurse in the ER, we do conscious sedations for broken bones or chest tubes and stuff. We make sure to remove all family from the room prior to sedating because patients really do say some pretty bad stuff.

    One was a kid who came out to all the staff and he had never told anyone before.

    The other was a woman who talked about the sexual troubles with her husband and how they were having marital troubles.

    Makin' Friends

    My wisdom teeth extraction. I woke up crying and the doctor/nurses were really concerned...until I told them I was crying because I missed my wisdom teeth. They enjoyed that one.

    I then proceeded to point at the light switch and ask them to turn the radio on, and ask the nurse if the doctor was a good guy because I wanted to invite him to my birthday party. I was probably 16.

    Blunt And To The Point

    When I had surgery on my ankle, I apparently got my Dr to laugh, and some of the nurses after the surgery to laugh.

    So, they gave me a shot of something to numb me up or do something important before they actually put me to sleep. I remember up the point where they gave me a second shot. After the second shot, my Dr told me to count backwards from 10. Apparently I just looked at him and said "No need!" And passed the f*ck out.

    After the surgery when I was waking up, but still pretty out of it, the nurses brought my dad back to help get me ready to go. When I saw him, I yelled "You're not my mom!" To which he replied "I'm your dad, dumb*ss." Apparently that was the best thing the nurses had heard all day.

    Too Much Detail

    My husband had his wisdom teeth out and while under sedation he told the Dr and the nursing staff that he couldn't wait to get me home and into bed. Rather explicitly. It was hilarious.

    Also the dentist had the same name as a famous male porn star. I was waiting for him to make a joke about that but he was shuffled out pretty quick once he started talking about our sex life.

    Strange Feelings

    After getting my wisdom teeth taken out, the nurse waiting for me to wake up told my mom that when I opened my eyes I sat up immediately and asked for my teeth (I asked the doc prior if I could keep them and he said he'd leave them in a baggie so she was going to give it to me anyway lmao). Was brought out to a waiting area so she could have my mom come get me, I guess someone else was there and I very proudly showed this stranger my bagged teeth, then passed out again.

    She told my mom it wasn't uncommon for people to ask if they can keep their teeth but she'd never seen someone be that desperate to have them, she also made it a point to say I kept putting the baggie up to my face and getting a very serene smile lol.

    Bridge The Gap

    When my father went under for the removal of several teeth, he woke up he reveled an almost encyclopaedic knowledge of bridges, which he revealed to the cab driver. I have never heard of him talking about them before or after but he was confident enough to name his top ten bridges and their engineers.

    Grand Theft... Appendage?

    Funny story when I got my wisdom teeth out I was CONVINCED they removed my tongue too so when I got home I was stomping around angry as shit telling my dad to prove his loyalty and "get my f---ing tongue back"


    My daughter had tubes in her ears on what was apparently "hemorrhoid day". All the other recovery rooms were full of loudly flatulating patients, one of whom would scream "Help! I'm dying!" after every fart.

    Rocket Launcher

    I'll preface this by saying that I don't like hospitals... especially when I'm the patient.

    I went in for a colonoscopy and was given Propofol and whatever for pain. I'm a complete drug wimp so fell asleep in about 2 seconds. When it was over, I was being taken to recovery and I kind of woke up. I said, "Am I done? Can I go home?" and the nurse said, "you can't go home until you pass gas so that we know all of the air is out of your intestines."

    I thought, "right, then... " and as I was being wheeled into the little recovery bay (with curtains, not walls), I pushed as hard as I could.

    Simultaneously my husband stood up and said, "hey, ba---" and I farted so loudly and for so long that I almost launched myself into the next room. I heard my husband bellow, "JESUS CHRIST!" and then I heard some laughter from somewhere else.

    I said, "I'm ready to go home!" and passed back out while my husband stood there looking around in confusion about what had just happened. I've never heard the end of this.

    Ball Game

    Coming out of my C-section, higher than a hippie at Woodstock, I was presented with my beautiful newborn son. I declared, "Oh my God, his scrotum is HUGE!" and then laughed hysterically.

    In my defense, it really was.

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